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    My first comic strip! (feedback please?) :)

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    • Bob Crum
      Bob Crum last edited by

      HAHAHAH I love it!
      I actually laughed out loud.
      The back and forth of warm/cool colors is very effective and I think the choice of green sand is a good one ... color theory wise.
      Your marks are expressive and interesting.
      This is well done.

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      • evilrobot
        evilrobot SVS OG last edited by

        Nice job buddy. Like the style, the inking, coloring, and content...

        http://www.palacioillustration.com/

        https://www.scbwi.org/illustrator-gallery/illustrator-detail/?illustrator_id=84142

        https://www.pinterest.com/evilrobot2/pins/

        https://twitter.com/MyEvilRobot

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        • Lynn Larson
          Lynn Larson SVS OG last edited by

          Hehe, it made me snort 😛 Well thought out and great color!

          https://instagram.com/lynnlarsonart/
          https://twitter.com/lynnlarsonart

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          • DanetteDraws
            DanetteDraws @andrewcolinbeck last edited by

            @andrewcolinbeck This is so great! And very funny 🙂

            The only thing that I would suggest is working on the clarity of the final panel. For one, death's hand holding the hour glass is awkwardly decapitating the one guy's head and also taking away from the humour of the punchline. I've did a rudimentary placement of where I think it could work better (image below). Also - Death smacking his face there like 'DOH!' is so great, you nailed the expression. BUT it's getting overpowered by the speech bubble from the previous panel. Without the big hand/hourglass in the way, you should have a bit more room to rework the composition of the last panel.

            I agree with the others about style and colour - really well done. Although I wonder why green for the sands in the hourglass?

            Hope this helps!

            1459790492699-lr.jpg

            https://danettebyatt.com
            Twitter @DanetteDraws
            Instagram @DanetteDraws

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            • DanetteDraws
              DanetteDraws last edited by

              Oh - just one more small critique. Panel 3 - close up of the guy's face looks more like a sweaty egg-head than a person. Maybe just adding a small hint of hair would help? Or the shape of his face less egg-like anyhow.

              There's a typo in panel 2, speech bubble 2 - weighed, not wieghed. Typo in the last speech bubble: Inevitable, not enevitable 🙂

              https://danettebyatt.com
              Twitter @DanetteDraws
              Instagram @DanetteDraws

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              • DanetteDraws
                DanetteDraws last edited by

                Final suggestion - I swear this is the last!

                Panel 4 - you could work on the bearded man's expression a bit more to make him look like he's deep in thought, it would help with the storytelling. Maybe a hand to the chin, or one finger scratching his head?

                https://danettebyatt.com
                Twitter @DanetteDraws
                Instagram @DanetteDraws

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                • lmrush
                  lmrush Pro SVS OG last edited by

                  Clever! I really like the layering

                  Lisa Rush
                  www.lisarushgallery.com
                  www.facebook.com/ArtbyLisaRush/
                  www.instagram.com/lisarush11/

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                  • A
                    andrewcolinbeck last edited by

                    @DanetteDraws Thanks for all the great feedback! You are so right about that dern hand... And your mockup of how it could go helps so much! Thanks for all your thoughts. Sweaty-egg, haha. Nice.

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                    • A
                      andrewcolinbeck last edited by

                      @Bob-Crum Thanks for the compliments!

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                      • Jordan Peterson
                        Jordan Peterson last edited by

                        Haha that's awesome

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