Of his bones are coral made
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@evilrobot Thank you William!
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It's looking really great so far! Really dynamic and engaging. I think the extra time you spent on the diver was worth it because he's reading really well.
Excited to see how this turns out!
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@Katie-W Thank you Katie!
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When i woke up this morning the Mermaids did not look right - the second mermaid looks shoe horned into the composition - i'm wondering if anyone has an opinion about this - here is version where i am trying to show that the mermaid is guiding the fish to Thomas - not sure i am making that clear in the drawing - i see it but of course i want to see it - anyways i took the second mermaid out and i feel like the story and composition might be better for it - any feedback is greatly appreciated
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See what others think, but to me it seems if you're taking out the other mermaid, then this one needs to be flipped to face the other direction. Or possibly add more fish and have them swimming around her in a full spiral before heading up towards the diver.That way our eye can follow the line of fish up towards him. That is unless you want to keep that space blank for text....I don't know if that helps at all. I liked the second mermaid so what do I know.
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Really cool perspective. Looking forward to seeing your progress.
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I like the image without the second mermaid better, but taking it out severed the connection between the mermaids and the diver. I agree with @evilrobot, flipping the position of the mermaid or the diver and having fish swimming around her hand and up should reconnect them.
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@evilrobot @Joy-Heyer i added more fish (quick cut and pastes of the same fish just to see how it would go) and tried flipping the position of the mermaid - she seems to be trying to halt the flow of fish when she is face the other way - i think the addition of more fish is helping - my thinking is the viewer will go from diver to mermaid face - to mermaid hand which is slightly illuminating the fish and follow the path of highlights on the fish back to the diver - that is the plan anyways - i do like the other mermaid though - i struggle the most with figuring out her scale patterns - maybe i'll use her in a future piece - Really appreciate the feedback - it helps a lot
@Suzy-Heitz Thank you Suzy! been watching your piece progress too - really looking nice!
Quick thumbnail to see if i can make the relationship of the hand to the fish a strong enough focal point to break the vertical composition into a triangle
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I do not want to make you second-guess your decision (we do too much of that by ourselves...), but I think the composition was stronger when the other mermaid was in it. Now you have a 1-2 focal point arrangement, which makes the eye ping-pong between the two. I believe in the composition course here at SVS they mention that it is difficult to make a piece work with two focal points. You either have one or a triangle. With the second mermaid gone, I feel the piece has taken on a "verticality" which makes it more static.
However, this is just an opinion. I understand your thought of the other mermaid being "forced in". Have you considered making it maybe smaller? -
@smceccarelli Thank you for the feedback Simona - yes smaller is a good call - i think that one of the things that was not working about the other mermaid is that her pose is very stiff - i understand your point about the verticality being static - i'm feeling that a bit too- i added a thumbnail with a bit of color to see if i could separate the hand compositionally and hopefully make a triangle - as usual i like my original quick sketch better than what i have made of it - i'll keep happily working away it though - - thank you again
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I was hoping for some composition feedback - added the second mermaid back in - gave it my best effort - it is still basically in thumbnail stage - need to draw the fish and refine a bunch of things - and the figure out my colors - if you scroll up you will see the same drawing but without the second mermaid - wondering if it is looking better with or without to folks - her pose is much better than my original attempt i think - anyways - i'm not sure i'll make it for 3rd Thursday but i'm hoping for a portfolio piece (with color this time) - thanks for your help
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First of all, this is spectacular. The scales, the figures are beautiful. Each of the compositions is engaging, so it's a really tough call, but I think I like the last one you came up with best; it's dynamic and doesn't break up the focus into two focal points. The one thing I'd consider, if you want it to appear that mermaid 1 is sort of "shooing" the fish, is that you change the pose of her hands to sort of cupped with both hands/arms together. The way she has her hand right now looks like she's using magic on them which is really cool, but it's defintely pulling the interest away from the diver. I'm including a photo to show you what I mean by cupped. I can't wait to see thiis one finished!
Facebook Page: http://www.facebook.com/amberwingart
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@amberwingart Thank you for the feedback Amber! Very much appreciated - i see your point about the hands being cupped for better shooing - excellent reference photo too - right now i am trying to show that she is using magic to guide the fish (her other arm is supposed to be gently holding on to a bunch of kelp... that looks like a bunch of reeds and smudges at the moment) she is sending a tornado of little mouths to help with their task - i'm actually feeling bad for Thomas - maybe i will try to get across that he is a treasure hunter somehow - makes his fate slightly less sad - i'll keep working on it - not happy with it yet but i feel like the image has a lot of potential somehow - thank you again for your input - really helps keep me from settling on something when i get feedback
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@Kevin-Longueil This is looking really great! The drawing is fantastic and the atmosphere it generates is very interesting.
I have some thoughts about the composition...(I think it's much better with the second mermaid added back in btw). I think it could help a lot if you cropped outwards a bit to the right, and to the top - it would give the second mermaid more space and remove that tangent of the tail against the edge of the page. If you crop out at the top it puts the diver more in that sweet spot of the 'third' part of the composition, makes the boat heavier and draws the eye up. I also put clear white between the mermaid and the boat, to improve the silhouette and if you have more contrast up there it makes it more clear that it's the main focal point, and all the rest is just sweeping up to that point in that lovely S shape you've created. The last thing is I made a slight curve of the swooshy bit on the left side, just to increase the whirlpool feel.
I meant to say I really like the S shape and also the copper fishes - I would not have guessed that you would make them copper coloured, but copper/aqua is visually very nice to look at, and fish are rather metallic...also love the dappled light effect on the fishes.
This is all personal opinion though, feel free to ignore the suggestions - it is looking really nice already!
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@Dulcie You nailed it Dulcie! - that is exactly what i am working on
i was trying to stay in A4 and didn't want to reduce the size of the main mermaid - i realized that was really holding me back this morning and was what was giving the second mermaid a forced look - i did not think of adding more headroom though like you have done - i shifted everything to the top left and gave more room to the right and bottom - i like what you have done much better - thank you so much for your advice - and taking the time - my pieces always benefit from it -
I love those changes you made, Dulcie! The only thing I'd add to that is to have the coppery fish wrap around the diver on the edge of the left side (that little space that's aqua to his left right now) so that the swoosh of fishies don't lead your eye off the page.
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I like the changes that have been made. @Dulcie's suggestions are great. I love the flow and feel of the piece. Very lovely.
Twitter: @Joy_Illustrated
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Website: joyheyer.com -
Looking really good, I think the composition is strong. Cant wait to see further development.
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@Joy-Heyer @Kelly-Lane Thank you Joy and Kelly! - appreciate the feedback - not sure i will have this done by Wednesday morning (still working on cleaning up the scales)...but i'm trying - here is where i am now - just cleaning up my forms and lines - just have a few hundred fish to draw after that - or maybe draw twenty or so and suggest the rest
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It's looking ever more beautiful with each pass. Be careful not to have the detail (the scales) detract from the focal point (the face, normally) - as you certainly know, detail density influences the focal point.
