New portfolio piece in progress for critique!

[Eli]

@nowayme No, don't change the story!! I just meant that it's so unexpected--pirates at the dentist!? It's hilarious! It's a good thing--the illustration should make us want to know more about the story and draw us in!

[Flordevitaz]

I like the scene, it is interesting and funny.
My only suggestions are that the perspective of the gabinets looks a bit off, and rotating the lamp a little more, so it looks like it is pointing towards the pirate.

[NoWayMe]

Update! Semi-final sketch

Thanks for the help so far! Any other comments before I move on to final sketch/color?

Thanks!

[Nyrryl Cadiz]

@nowayme Ok... now I see it! Fun story. Perhaps you need to emphasize the mother though Add a few details to make her more feminine. I thought she was a guy. lol... I can't wait to see your finished product.

[smceccarelli]

A pirate at the dentist is an hilarious idea...but why his mother? I find that a little confusing. I think part of the problem is that it asks to "accept" too many unusual things at once: a pirate at the dentist and a pirate accompanied by his mother. Both are strong ideas but would merit separate illustrations.
I think if you edited out the mother and add the doctor and nurse instead trying to get him down it would make for a much clearer story, if this is a standalone illustration.

[Chip Valecek]

I agree with @smceccarelli to remove the mother and make her a nurse. Also who is hiding in the cabinet?

[NoWayMe]

@Chip-Valecek and @smceccarelli ; Very good point! Right now I have the dental assistant hiding in the cupboard. Instead I will put her in the mom's place and remove the mom (it makes me a little sad because I thought she was funny, but maybe I can use her for another illustration!)

Thanks!

[Chip Valecek]

@nowayme You could always do another piece and make it a double page layout of the dentist talking to the mother about her son and in the background have the door to the room where it is all trashed and you can see the pirate hiding on top of the cabinet. Looking forward to seeing whatever you come up with.

[juliepeelart]

This is such a cute idea, it made me smile! I agree that I thought that the mother was really funny as well. My only question about her, was that her teeth are obviously not taken care of, so why would she care so much about getting her son to cooperate?

[Heather Boyd]

I have been reading through all the comments. I definitely like your second piece, with more details like the tooth clock. The pirate and his bird (especially his bird, lols) are great and how he got up there in the first place.

To be honest at first I thought the senior women was in to get her teeth checked and was in a state of pure imagination, dreaming up a pirate and his bird (she was play acting). Your story is great too once I caught on!

To work off of @julipeelart perhaps her lack of teeth care is a reason behind her desire for her son to have check ups.

Maybe if you change around the doctor with the pirate mother. The doctor sweetening up the pirate to come down from his lofty place and the pirate's mother in the door way concerned for her son or making a fuss there instead.

[NoWayMe]

Hi everyone! Thank you all for your help

I have decided to go with the option to remove the mom and add a dental assistant trying to get the pirate down instead. I think it makes for a clearer story. I will share more WIP soon!

Thanks again!

[NoWayMe]

Hi everyone!

I am working on a few things at once, so this piece is taking forever, but I thought I would share a work in progress here to see if you have any critique to offer I am at the "flat color" stage, so no shading or texture yet.

Thanks!

[Sarah LuAnn]

This is such a great concept . The colors are looking nice and it reads pretty well I think. What I’m having a hard time with is the pose of the dental assistant. I’m not quite sure where she’s stepping or how she’s supported, it looks to me like she’s floating. I’m it quite sure if she’s climbing the drawers or not. Clarity there would help a lot I think. I’m excited to see where this ends up!

[Buddy Skelton]

Looks good. However I would move the parrot to the left and make him face right to take up some of that empty space in that corner and try to redirect the viewers eye back into the piece.

[NoWayMe]

@buddy-skelton Excellent point! I will do that!