Picture book dummy: Would anyone like to seriously review and critique my first picture book dummy?
-
Wonderful detail. Lots for elements for a child to wander around.
My recommendation is to change the position of the text on the first page. It sits awkwardly on top of the house, wedged between the animals. It reads as an afterthought when text should live harmoniously with the illustration. I would move the text to the grassy area. Yes, that unfortunately means sacrificing some of the detail work. Secondly, placing the text near the road helps visually guide the reader to the next scene.
If you're able to, I would also recommend moving the first line of page two to the first page. This way the reader can experience the moment (a voice off screen) the same way the main character is. Starting with the second line ("Nanny! I found you.") would be more impactful.
-
@willicreate Thank you Will. Your two points are spot on. I am okay to sacrifice some detail and move the text around to make it more impactful. I really appreciate your comment!
-
@Jeremy-Ross Thanks, yes, I feel like this is a good direction with the detail and lots to see, and I really enjoy creating this kind of art. @willicreate suggested we move the words under the house and also move one line from the right side of the page to the left so I think that can help allow the art and the words to be more harmonious. I will see what I can do about bringing the protagonist forward, if the text is no longer above the house I think there will be space to make the house bigger, I will certainly see how it looks.
Yes, the lines are really tight, I think as I get more experience I will get the hang of leaving things looser, one thing that has been so challenging is getting everything into the page in a harmonious way, if that is possible with so much detail. I try to use the golden ratio when I compose the page, that helps a bit.
I hope to publish traditionally, my agent accepted the manuscript and I would like to see how things go, if this bites, and if not it is not out of the question that I would publish another way, it depends.
Thank you again for your comments. Really appreciate your time Jeremy! One more thing, do you think getting feedback on the forum will be okay if I do possibly publish traditionally? Page by page? I think it would be easier for anyone giving feed back. I had the idea to send a PDF to a few people. I wonder if anyone else has done this on the forum? It is really helpful to have the feedback.Website http://www.judyelizabethwilson.com/
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/judyelizabethart/
Sharing positivity through art.
-
Hi @Judy-Elizabeth-Wilson, Since this forum is public, your agent may prefer for you to avoid posting the book dummy here, especially as it’s being shopped around for a buyer.
Perhaps check with your agent and seek approval to share with a small critique group (brain trust)?
-
@Jeremy-Ross Yeah, thought that was the case. Thanks!
-
@Judy-Elizabeth-Wilson Hi! I would to offer feedback. i'm so excited!
Portfolio: nyrrylcadiz.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nyrryl_cadiz/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbJCF1Im8ZO7hpGWTKOJMuA -
@Nyrryl-Cadiz Hi Nyrryl, thank you so much! You are so kind! I am very excited to share this dummy with you. I admire your illustration and I know you are going to have lots of insight. I am so thankful, this means so much to me. I have poured my heart and soul into this book. Happiness! I will DM you. Thank you!!!
-
Hi @Judy-Elizabeth-Wilson . I’d love to take a look at your dummy! (Fair warning, though, I always try to be kind but I’m very honest with my feedback.)
️illustrator - author - smiley person
mbaileyart.com
instagram.com/mbaileyart/ -
@Melissa-Bailey-0 Thank you so much Melissa. Believe me, honest and direct feedback is exactly what I was hoping for. There is no pressure at all. It is just that I have been looking at the art for a while and new eyes will spot the areas we can strengthen, maybe we simplify some areas or text placement, to check there is enough space for text and look at the story telling. I am prepared to makes some changes. I am so thankful, it means the world to me that you will take some time in your day to do this. It is so kind of you and why this forum keeps on getting better. Thank you. I will DM you.
Website http://www.judyelizabethwilson.com/
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/judyelizabethart/
Sharing positivity through art.
-
My pleasure, @Judy-Elizabeth-Wilson -- looking forward to reading your sweet story!
