I'm sorry for my absence

[Michael Angelo Go]

Hey everybody

I feel like I have a lot of explaining to do, lol. So for the past 8 months, I got a job at an engineering firm as a draftsman. Was not very exciting, the best part was getting paid to afford a gym membership, medical services, karate classes, and other swag. I never spent any time on my art, because a day job of course takes up most of your day, and the remaining hours I would use to take care of my body by exercising.

I do have some bad news, I got let go from my job so now I have to apply for benefits, and I gained all the weight I lost from an entire year's worth of exercising and now I am back to square one from before I got my job.

Worse news, after dealing with two medical negligence and malpractice situations as a patient with two providers, I recently found out that I might have fibromyalgia this is really devastating for me, because a lot of things I do require a lot of energy from me. Whether drawing art or maintaing a comfortable weight by exercising, this disease is going to really hold me back from my true potential. I just have so many ideas to share with the world.

I think I have had the disease ever since I was 12, but they got worse when I was in college 2-3 years ago because I experienced a personal trauma, that according to the disease can actually aggravate the condition and symptoms It did not help that my family was not supportive of me receiving medical care, because they think it is a waste of money, and any illness I may be experiencing might just be "in my head" or that I'm somehow "lazy".

But I digress. I plan to start being active again in the art community, while I shuffle again like I did last year to get a job that may or may not recognize my skills and potential, leading to a short-term employment period, despite my arduous efforts to contribute to my company. I had to get rid of one of my professional urls for one of my websites, because I just could not afford to have two (I got rid of my url for my art portfolio, and kept the other one for my architecture portfolio), but the website is still up, I just have the Wix logo on my portfolio

Do you struggle with a disability or debilitating disease? And if so how do you manage? My symptoms recently flared up because of the trauma I experienced with my previous providers.

[HollyOakley]

@Michael-Angelo-Go Hi Michael, I can relate to exactly how you feel. I have numerous medical issues that are a complete nightmare to manage. One of my numerous diagnoses is Fibromyalgia Syndrome and my other conditions (sacrcoidosis, arthritis, trigeminal neuralgia and very bad spine and knees) just exasperate the fibromyalgia. As I am sure you can relate to.

Luckily, I have been quite fortunate financially in some way, as my partner has been able to support me when needed, as we own a business together.

When it comes to my art. Creating art is basically something I thoroughly enjoy and its almost like therapy for me. It helps me escape for a while into my imagination and create something that I can be proud of and hopefully bring a smile or some open discussion about the artwork.

It can be very difficult when the pain, extreme lack of sleep, fatigue or side-effects from medication interferes with the ability to even be creative.

Patience and not placing expectations on yourself can go a long way.

In Australia, there are numerous art competitions, exhibitions etc for artists with disabilities. I have never been a part of one, as I try and hide it as much as possible from the 'real world' I guess.

How about we both support each other on our journey Feel free to connect with me on instagram

Sending love and hope for a creative future.

[AngelinaKizz]

@Michael-Angelo-Go
I had an accident in Feb 2020 that resulted in permanent irreparable damage to my dominant hand, and lost my business because of it. I am allergic to pain killers, even topical (anaphylactic carry epipen) so I have no method of pain control. I'm in pain every minute of every day. I've had to teach myself to become left handed. But here's the thing... if you're going to be in pain that you cannot manage, the best management is finding joy in the day to day. If art brings you joy, that needs to become your therapy. Our thoughts are more powerful than we realize. Our mindset needs to shift from focusing on the negatives (harder done than said for sure when it comes to pain) to focusing on the things that are positive. Once that mindset shifts, the negative doesn't get as much power over your day to day life.

[Michael Angelo Go]

@AngelinaKizz I do have an acupuncturist, who also doubles as my herbalist.

She provides me natural herbs in the form of a tea. When I first took it, my health significantly improved and I was able to manage my symptoms before I was told I might have fibromyalgia. I recently went off the herbs for more than a week, because my doctor was concerned that it would be actively affecting the accuracy of my blood work results (which is today, lol).

Once I get my blood work done, my doctor told me that I was allowed to take the herbs again, which I am looking forward to, because I somehow managed to develop arthritis when I stopped taking them. I experienced pain in my knuckles, elbows and knees, that I have NEVER experienced before in my entire life.

I am also managing my symptoms by going to the gym, stick fighting and mixed-martial arts. Problem is when you have to work out to maintain your symptoms, you also cannot do art as often you would like to... Because I do usually get tired at the end of the day after I work out. Not much energy left when you need to draw something because you need to pour your emotional energy into the work you create, or it will ruin the quality, and not even you the artist will be satisfied with your own work.

[AmberRavenscroft]

@Michael-Angelo-Go I can totally relate, I’m so sorry you* have these struggles.

I never know if to mention it to people because of worries that they’ll hold it against me as people sometimes have in the past.

I’ve been diagnosed with autism, ADD, fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome (some people say, as it’s not uncommon to have these 4 together that it may be the difficulties living with autism & ADD causing the other two) And of course when you say to some people a list of things like that they roll their eyes and go yeah, right, it’s all in your head and you’re just lazy and mental.

The thing is, people**who haven’t experienced it, very often can’t relate at all and because you’ve not got a missing limb or anything visible, and you turn up to work each day, they don’t really believe there’s anything wrong with you, they don’t see how you’ve been struggling with everything you’ve got for most of your life just to hold things together. Like you, I’ve been aware of my symptoms since I was little, around 8 for me.

**it’s very telling when you hear people who suddenly, later in life experience things like chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia and Then they see how genuinely debilitating it can be - I always wish people would listen to them more and realise people like us aren’t making it up and we’ve usually tried everything we can think of to help ourselves and we Keep trying every thing that we find.

That’s why I need to escape from All day jobs into a full time art career, art Gives me energy, whereas currently I waste almost all my precious energy on the pointless, dead-end day job, if I could get rid of of that I could devote all my time to my artwork - lockdown was amazing for me (I know it was terrible for many) because I got some time off the day job and I worked and worked on my artwork (proper work, as I see it) every day and I got so much done, it was awesome, it gave me a real boost and although I’m back full time now I’m trying to leverage the boost it gave me and trying to keep the momentum, hope and belief going so I can escape forever!

Like Angelina says in her reply, our thoughts are definitely more powerful than we realise, the best thing that we can do often is to BELIEVE and STAY POSITIVE and KEEP WORKING towards our GOALS and
NEVER
GIVE
UP

*so sorry you, Angelina and Holly have these (each different, I know ) struggles too ️

We should definitely all stay in touch, we could cheer each other on

@HollyOakley @AngelinaKizz