My Rabbit Road Race WIP
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Hi,
Finally came up with a concept I love, so I'm trying to figure out if it's coming across clearly. Put it through a bunch of thumbnails, and this is the angle I thought allowed me room for drama and clarity (without any text).
So, what's happening?
(What's happening is the rabbit that thought he was going to cruise to victory is just now seeing the rabbit he was making fun of for racing with a big, slow truck has almost finished his shortcut to the finish line. Sorry, this is so long. Trying to make it not super scannable since it's right below the picture)
Is it clear (enough)?
Thank you,
Kevin -
@KevinTreaccar I love the composition great work there! The story is not clear to me though. I would have thought he realizes there’s construction or something obstructing the finish line, or something like that. I’m not sure which one is meant to have the shortcut.
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@Asyas_illos Thank you.
So I need to make it more clear that the construction bunny is another racer and that he's using the platform to get back around to the finish line without simply backing over it.
Or at least tweak my story where I can tell something similar more clearly.
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@KevinTreaccar If I were you I would try a different story, that one seems too unlikely... wouldn't it be against the rules to build a shortcut like that? Why is the other rabbit involved?
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@Kruzby It's a story about thinking outside the box. Using the valuable skills you have to come up with a solution that's right for you.
Yes, writing that full story would require writing what could be perceived as "cheating" in some way that instead is just thinking outside the box.
I've got ideas for story tweaks. I could come up with another idea, too. We'll see. Just have to get it done quick because I'll be on vacation and away from my art stuff for the last week of July.
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@KevinTreaccar It seems like you are trying to explain too much in one image. For example, your original story requires at least three different illustrations to fully flesh out.
Here's your original explanation:
"What's happening is the rabbit that thought he was going to cruise to victory is just now seeing the rabbit he was making fun of for racing with a big, slow truck has almost finished his shortcut to the finish line."Illustration 1 explaining the use of shortcuts
Illustration 2 the rabbit making fun of the other rabbit with the big truck
Illustration 3 the rabbit cruising to victory and being surprised that he's not gonna winYou can add more illustrations to flesh out the story. The point is that you can't put all of those things in one.
Your idea of the shortcut could be your most interesting, imo. You can think of a shortcut that would shock readers and make that the focus of the illustration.
The extra storytelling elements would be things like the type of truck the rabbit is driving or a unique racing setting, character designs, and facial expressions. This is all easier said than done, but I'd love to see you try again! Post some updates when you can. Hopefully, you can at least do some sketches before you go on vacation!
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@Patricia-Dishmon Thank you for this assessment. Glass breaking moment if you know How I Met Your Mother.
I have a writer-first background and I’m definitely trying to fit too much. One of my other thumbnails was multiple moments on the same page. Probably says the moment was too complicated.
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I think you need to show that he took a short cut better.... tracks off the road, veering through the terrain, over the wood bridge and across the finish line. Maybe a sleeping flag waving tortoise that didn't see the cheat...
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I think if you want to stick with the shortcut idea, some more obvious imagery that screams "shortcut" would be:
- Tire tracks on grass
- The car is in the water itself (maybe the river is shallow) though in real life that would totally wreck the old truck
- Swing across in a flying fox or just tarzan-style lol
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Working on a new character and story instead now…
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Now I need to watch the adding backgrounds class ASAP.
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@KevinTreaccar Great design!
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@KathrynAdebayo Thank you!
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Working on sketching out (and toning obviously) the middle ground and background right now.
A) See any sketch issues I really need to fix?
B ) Any ideas on what you want to see in that field space? I’m constantly bouncing between a bunny burrow home, bunny burrow homes, a carrot field and more.
C) Why can I never make up my mind? -
@KevinTreaccar I love this new concept you've come up with! The story is simple, and much more clear. Of your three ideas above, my vote would be for a bunny burrow home. You could have so much fun designing what a bunny's house would look like! But you might want to consider how your background would further the story you are trying to tell. For example: if you decide to make it a bunny home, maybe the story you are telling could be about a little bunny trying to race against his big brother. You could change up the racetrack a bit to give it more of a homemade feel. Just ask yourself lots of questions about these characters and why they are racing and see what you come up with!
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@KevinTreaccar much better I think! I like carrot patch…
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@KevinTreaccar I think the idea of small vs huge could work but the composition could be pushed. If you have a simple and straightforward idea you want to make sure you really push the composition. The truck is huge and intimidating and the car is small and feels weak in comparison. This is obvious to the viewer so how could you make it more interesting to the viewer? What is an angle that could emphasize those ideas?
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Shading and lighting (hopefully) tonight. Then I try and see if I push it and finish it in time before my vacation that’s pushing up my deadline by a week.
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@KevinTreaccar it’s coming along nicely!
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@Griffin Thanks. That all makes perfect sense. When I switched concepts, I definitely did things way out of order – not a smooth transition – and I’m noticing issues due to that. Mostly in the composition space.
Still a good learning experience. If I can’t get your suggested pushed version done in time, I still plan to try to work on it in August.
