That's looking much more like I thought it was supposed to be. 
I think the only thing that's throwing me is more in the drawing itself. She is in her bedroom I take it, but something about the room makes it feel really small and cramped. I thought at first perhaps she was in a bunkbed and the top of the bunkbed was right above her and the beam was what held the mattress above her up. This also might be because I grew up sleeping in a bunkbed just like that. HAHA
I guess with it being such a lose sketch I can't quite distinguish what is going on there.
EDIT: I see you did make the room a bit taller from the first one. That does certainly help a bit with the issue my eyes were having.
One thing I might suggest is trying larger brushes to lay in the value. Especially if its not going to be a part of the finished product. The sketchiness and quickness of it can make it difficult to figure out what's going on and can even muddy the values up a bit.
I am by no means an expert though haha, so if others think differently that is A-Okay!
Gave you a follow on the old instagrams by the way. Cheers!