Critique request: girl and horseshoe crab

[jenn]

Dear friends, if anyone has a moment to offer feedback, I would be grateful. I am coming off of a Loooong drought from drawing anything, due to a job change. Since deadlines are helpful to me, I decided to do an illustration about horseshoe crabs for a local exhibit. Here are 2 versions, from slightly different perspectives.

• Do you think the compositions are working?
• Is the story clear?
• Do the child's poses look natural?
• Which perspective is more engaging to you?

Thank you in advance for any feedback. I've been catching up on 3pp podcasts and htfya while I research and sketch. It was very inspiring to see so many familiar names in the speed-crit!

[Tash]

@jenn glad you're getting a chance to get back into drawing! To me the first thumbnail reads as if the girl was walking passed, noticed the crab, flipped it over and then will continue on her walk on the beach. The pose has more action.

In the second thumbnail I get the sense that she will be spending more time with the horseshoe crab, she is observing it, maybe it is sick. The pose tells me she will be there for a while

[jenn]

@Tash thank you, that is very helpful. And thanks for the word of encouragement. I had to excavate my desk and mentally re-commit. The thumbnailing was frustrating, but it feels like I rounded a corner.

[Dima Eichhorn]

@jenn Hi, Jenn. I like both sketches, bot the first one gives to me the feeling of dynamic and just make me want to join the child playing on the beach. It is really nice!

[jenn]

@Dima-Eichhorn thanks! I think I will go with that pose and enhance it with more story elements.

[jenn]

I know, I'm so slow... but here's the next iteration. Originally I was planning to do a single panel watercolor or acrylic painting but now I have this sequence that demonstrates how to flip a horseshoe crab. So I am still trying to figure out the format and medium. Suggestions are welcome.

[H. Moon]

Love the sequence! Something you could try medium wise is pen and/or marker. I personally like to make everything grayscale to help my planning on composition and depth, then if I like it, I add a color overlay of some kind. (example: I do a detailed ink drawing with crosshatching and then I'll do minimal watercolor to make it pop.)

[jenn]

@H-Moon thank you for the suggestions, they help me to visualize what to do next. I'm finding that is one of the biggest challenges.

[jenn]

Here's an inked version of the 3-panel part. I tried to ink the top panel and totally messed it up. I started stippling and just couldn't stop. Then it looked really bad so I am going to start that part over. Do folks think the panels should have frames drawn around them like the pencil sketch? Or is it clear enough that this is a step-by-step?

[tom.barrett]

@jenn I am a bit late to this conversation, but looking at your sketches, the pose of the girl is unnatural for what she is trying to do. If you think about picking something up off the ground, especially something heavy, your body will be facing that object, not turned away from it with you reaching to the side. And especially for a child picking up a horseshoe crab, she most likely would be using both hands. I have included some photos I found online of kids picking up objects off the ground for reference.

I like the ink drawings, and they work well without frames, though the stippling on the girls' arms looks odd. Maybe add some heavier stippling closer to the line work so it looks more like a shadow and not a rash.

[kayleenartlover]

@jenn I like the pose in the first one but the girl in the second one stands out more with the light background. So if you go with the second one I would suggest you make her eyes look down at what her hands are doing, but the first one might look better just with a strong difference between foreground and background with the value/color.

[jenn]

@tom-barrett thank you so much for taking the time to provide feedback and also to search up relevant images. They are all very helpful and I will work on adjusting the pose. I think my problem was that I was complicating the pose too much. Also thanks for the tip on the stippling. Those darn pens are so... permanent.

[jenn]

@kayleenartlover thank you very much for the feedback. I agree with the reasoning. I think that I can achieve some contrast on the first pose if I can make the right lighting choices.

[jenn]

Here's a revision of the scene with the girl, eliminating the twisted pose, thanks to very helpful feedback from @tom-barrett.

[tom.barrett]

@jenn the new pose is much better, but I think you could push it even further. Since she is reaching out in front to pick up the heavy crab, her legs would be a little offset to help balance the weight of her forward leaning body. Also, with you having her use her right arm in this pose to grab the animal, it cuts through some of her body, creating an odd silhouette. Below is a very rough sketch of a pose that would work better in this instance.

[jenn]

@tom-barrett thank you for taking time to do this sketch, I can see what you are saying and I am in agreement. And I am also noticing that I am being too precious with my drawing, which is why I thought I could get away with avoiding too much change to the pose. First step is admitting I have a problem, right? I will push ahead, in the pursuit of stronger art!

[Nyrryl Cadiz]

@jenn Hi Jenn! Yes, I do think the composition is working. I like the poses too. I prefer the second one. I'm excited to see how this piece will turn out.

[jenn]

@Nyrryl-Cadiz thank you! I'm glad that you think the composition works, and thanks for expressing your preference.

[jenn]

Thank you @tom-barrett for the push to improve the pose. I think it is getting there now. Now that it is on paper, I can see how the angle is more natural-looking and the pose is clearer.

[kayleenartlover]

@jenn this latest sketch is looking much better what are you planning on doing for the final? Watercolor or gouache for example?