Hi! I like the glowy design of the sculpture
I think the intricate line aspect is really your strength! Keep it up!
(Below are just my personal opinions, if it doesn't sound right for what you are trying to achieve, just ignore them)
If I'm honest I'd say that the highlight/illuminated portion of the image doesn't have a very clear boundary and kinda muddles the lines more.
Since the lines aren't in a solid/continuous style, It didn't really define the boundaries that well, part of the reason might be lack of density differentiation between main elements and the background (from the sketch, the lines are kind of "just a bunch of stuff that forms an image"), and you have to really look to distinguish the boundaries of foreground and background. I believe removing a bunch of stuff adjacent to the foreground visually (like "haloing") would work much better in terms of readability (Take the example of the portion of the blackboard just below the sphinx's wing feather, the lines are really short and random, which seems really confusing). Reducing contrast (or transparency) of the lines in the background would work too.
In terms of the colouring, I believe that's a style that can work but on the image it appears quite "bobbly" hence looks sloppy. One way to check is that you can look at those "bleeding", like light bleeding into the shadow side of the box, or the shadow bleeding outside the shape etc. I guess it's because of airbrush and the relative small radius of it. I'd suggest that you disregard the lines all together when shading them, and only leave very big shadow patches in since you have already drawn in the contact shadows of everything.
I guess the reason you try to use enhanced light in the middle is exactly because you don't have enough visual separation on the sketch in the first place, that's why it still kinda look awkward...
I do think the lines works actually very well if it's just on its own without coloring, maybe only a very slight tint of watercolor-like coloring can work better since it's not gonna clash with the lines (but yeah I'm not actually that experienced in this style, tho I have seen some artworks that uses these kind of "sketchy" lines very well, like some of Jimmy Liao's books)