Dreama

[Kelly Lane]

It was a night like any other in the sleepy seaside hamlet of Bedford Burroughs. Dreama was doing what she loved most in the world, reading...She was an obsessive reader, veraciously pouring over one of her grandmother's great tomes of bizarre circus performers. Many of which were her grandmother's childhood friends. Her MeeMaw loved to write as much as Dreama loved to read. The two were cut from the same cloth, they were like bees to flowers. Dreama had just ran her eyes over a juicy page of pig latin proverbs when the silence was cut by a loud "CAAAW, CAAW!" "Did you hear that Alowishes?" Dreama inquired. Her grandmother's large brindled cat managed to lazily open one of his sleepy yellow eyes. "CAAAW, CAAAW!" The feline feigned interest for a fleeting moment, then drifted back to his cozy rhythmic purring. Dreama however, was struck with a bolt of insatiable curiosity. How could she ignore such a wonderful adventure? She padded to the window, the twilight wind brushing her face with a soft chill, and strained her eyes into the night.
excerpt ~Dreama~
A children's book Im writing about a young girl and her misadventures in the strange town of Bedford Burroughs.

[Kelly Lane]

@Kelly-Lane 

[Kelly Lane]

[Kelly Lane]

WIP
Just got an early Christmas present, iPad pro + apple pen = fun
I couldn't be happier with it

[Kelly Lane]

@Kelly-Lane going to work on adding color tomorrow:)

[Kelly Lane]

finished the color, it took all day lol. I learned a lot through the process and have found a new found respect for all the pros out there doing this. Maybe I will walk among their ranks one day.

[DanetteDraws]

Hi @Kelly-Lane, what wonderful character development you have going on so far! I love your little girl and your coloured rendering is magical

Just a question about the story itself - is this going to be a middle grade or chapter book? Or is it for a younger picture book audience? The reason I ask is your excerpt so far definitely reads for an older audience, middle grade perhaps.

Regardless of age, a couple of small pointers of things to watch out for. There's a couple of sentences where you're "over-writing". Be careful to not get too caught up in description so that the action gets lost and loses it's forward momentum. Also, make sure to use active rather than passive voice. You did this well in quite a few places, but the one sentence in particular that jumped out at me is 'Dreama however, was struck with a bolt of insatiable curiousity'. ('was struck' is passive. 'Striking' on the other hand, would be active). This sentence is also telling rather than showing. What can you say instead that would SHOW us that Dreama is curious, rather than telling us she is? And finally, you did use some very rich language throughout, which is great, but there is a couple places you can develop your word choices further. Like the word "large" for example - an extremely boring and non-specific word. What if the cat was 'hefty' or 'sizeable' instead?

Otherwise, I think you're off to a great start (providing you did mean this for a chapter book or middle grade audience - if you meant it as a picture book, I think you have a lot of revising to do). I love the magical feel thus far, and the names you've given your characters.

If you're just writing a story in order to do a book dummy to show off your illustration skills though, you can ignore my writing advice!

[Kelly Lane]

@DanetteDraws Thanks for the advice. I really am not sure the age audience. I know it reads much more in depth than a picture book would need. I know when I read to kids in school they can enjoy the book as Im reading and showing it to them. I doubt though many would be able to read the excerpt I included, so Im sure later on I will need to decide what audience this will be meant for and do some editing. At this stage Im really exploring story and characters. I have a good Idea for this first book story wise, but I want to flesh out the characters more. I envision this to be a series that can be revisited. Thanks for the help feel free to comment more as this develops.

[Kelly Lane]

@DanetteDraws Yea the character names, the cat Allowishes = all of our wishes. Dreama (obvious). Im having fun with it. Its been circling round my head for years now. I have another book Im doing on the five senses. That one is more of a younger age book. Lots of Dr. Suess style rhyming its pretty much written I just need to do the illustrations and it will be a complete dummy. Im coming back to this after a long absence from developing art. I have been teaching elementary k-5 for ten years, the famous quote of John Lennon's "Life is what happens when your busy making other plans" rings true. I hope to slowly add pieces to get my portfolio in order and perhaps get an agent. Maybe shop these books around and see what happens. Its a slow process, but I have time.

[Kelly Lane]

Dreama and the turtle WIP
doing the drawring at the moment. Was thinking of adding in maybe some other creatures checking them out like maybe a few frogs maybe in the foreground looking at them not sure if it would distract though. Maybe keep them dark non descript. maybe a whole colony though would be cooler?

[Kelly Lane]

More work on this image. Dreama has inadvertently intruded upon the nightly frog lodge meeting
!

[Leontine]

@Kelly-Lane Lovely! its fun and appealing! cant wait to see the colored version!

[Charlie Eve Ryan]

This is adorable! Is this a single page? If so, love the composition. If it is a double may have a gutter issue to adjust.
Keep pushing the values.
Well done, can't wait to see the finish!

[Kelly Lane]

@Leontine thanks so much, I will be spending a rainy coldish weekend here in southern Texas sipping coffee and toiling away on the color comp

[Kelly Lane]

@Charlie-Eve-Ryan thanks, yes this is a single page. Before I added the frogs which I hadn't really planned the composition was missing something. When I added the frogs and started fleshing in leaves and such it really tied things together. Appreciate any feedback~cheers~

[Kelly Lane]

Color on this image. Trying some new to me techniques hopefully its working. I have been staring at this too long and have lost all objectivity lol.