January Challenge WIP - Story and Feedback

[deborah Haagenson]

I really want to focus my time on rendering and character development. But I need to make sure that my story is clear first. You all are so good with suggesting ways to improve I thought this time I would ask for your input. Is my story clear without me having to add text (Will will be the 'person' back by the gate)? Please also provide any other feedback.

[KaraDaniel]

Here's what I see...Someone snuck through the gate and is climbing into the window of the house and lost their shoe while climbing in. Will is noticing the footprints. There is also someone up in the farthest window on a cell phone possibly taking pictures of the scene.

The pattern of the prints is like none I've ever seen. Are they special shoes?

[carlianne]

I'm not sure what is happening. I that a light post?

Could you tell us what the story is, I can help with suggestions if I know what you're going for.

[deborah Haagenson]

@carlianne Ok, the child put special shoes on to create an animal foot print, so he could sneak in the house through the window. Will came home and is noticing the foot prints. One of the special shoes fell off as the child was sneaking in the window. The child in the far window is trying to call his friend to let him know his father is coming. For this drawing, the characters are just stick looking figures so far. I think I might use a claw shoe or something to make this more obvious. I think the facial expressions might help too. I was also thinking I might have Will turned and walking toward the kid with his hands on his hips, as if he heard the fallen shoe. Thank you for taking a look at this!

[deborah Haagenson]

@KaraDaniel Yes you have the story right! The boy sneaking in the window does have special shoes on. They have an animal print on them to disquise his own footprints. I'm thinking maybe I need to make that a claw foot print, so it looks less like a boys shoe.

[deborah Haagenson]

Also, this will be a night scene. The moon will be the light source, lighting Will, the footprints and the boys leg, sock and fallen shoe. There will be a lot of white snow on the ground and on the trees, which should simplify the scene and emphasize the focus. I live in MN, so I should be able to get that right!

[carlianne]

@deborah-Haagenson So Will is the dad? I was thinking you meant Will was the kid in the far window, sorry for my confusion.

Okay so, is the kid that's running home, leaving his friends house? Maybe if he came from the front door or back door of his friends house instead of the gate that would be more clear. And maybe there is a way to show that Will just got there? Right now it looks a little bit like the kid just walked in front of Will, so Will would have seen him.

[deborah Haagenson]

@carlianne Will walked in the gate afterward. He noticed the tracks when he came in the gate and stepped onto the grass.

[deborah Haagenson]

@carlianne Maybe I'll open up the gate and place will on the sidewalk in the gate opening.

[TessaW]

This story is so fun! Something I never would have thought of myself. I love seeing the creative ways people interpret the prompts.

I think it's working well so far, though the gestures and expressions of the characters will be an important factor here. It might be worth playing with the depth, by making the kid/house/path larger and by receding the path so it's a little narrower going toward the back. It might also be worth experimenting with how much of the foreground kid we actually see. Maybe we see just his lower half going into the window? Maybe we see all of him, and we see him on a cell phone too?

Just some options to try out. Can't wait to see where this goes.

[deborah Haagenson]

@TessaW Thank you! All of your suggestions are great! I have had some of them rolling around in my head. I think I am going to have the boy sneaking in the window on the phone. That's a good idea.