SCBWI Narrative Art Award- Critiques wanted

[Shyam Sailus]

@Nyrryl-Cadiz

[Nyrryl Cadiz]

@Shyam-Sailus that’s a bit confusing

[Nyrryl Cadiz]

here's an update

[tenmei]

Hello Nyrryl,
I really like the compo. The pers looks spot on and it seems a great point of view from inside a shop.
I know it's not finished, and I am not an expert, but in my humble opinion, maybe it will be nice to have a spot light into the cake that the girl is looking (at the moment, it is in the big cakes on the left, right?). It will also help to make the two cakes on the right darker, so you have foreground, middg and background. I would also test different values for her shirt, when you have more light to the little cake she is looking, so you really make that area of your compo your focal point.
Lastly,we do not know where the girl is, what about including a bit of a street and some bins and a tree? Just shadows, low contrast, but something that will make a transition with your second image? Just an idea.

It is almost there! Nice work.
I am also preparing for this contest, but I am unsure if I will finish it on time...Too much to do!

Bon courage!

[Heather Boyd]

@Nyrryl-Cadiz I think it's like the passion you put in, your very best is more important than if you actually win, because you are already a winner.

[Nyrryl Cadiz]

new update:

[jdubz]

@Nyrryl-Cadiz I like the spotlight, but I'd maybe play with how pronounced it is - it just feels really strong.

Another thing that might be something to look at is make the spotlights on the cakes to the the left less intense than the main spotlight on the cake in the middle. That would instantly get the view looking right at the "money cake"

[Nyrryl Cadiz]

new update:

[Nyrryl Cadiz]

Hi guys! i'm stuck in this stage. Which one do you like better. My guts tells me to go with A but what do you think?

[Georgios Christopoulos]

@Nyrryl-Cadiz definately A.
Quick suggestion if you want it
I m feeling that gigger highlight inside her pupils will make her expression more "oooh,I totally want that!!"
Just bigger white highlight.
My two cents!!

Beautiful piece by the way. it s coming around really pretty.

[tenmei]

@Nyrryl-Cadiz Hello! A for me too! It is the kind of lighting I had in mind. Bon courage!

[Nyrryl Cadiz]

I've started working on the 3rd piece. I gotta get all of these done by Monday.

[Julia]

@Nyrryl-Cadiz I like A best. Be mindful of the hand touching the light. Isn't it a tangent?

[Nyrryl Cadiz]

@Julia yup, i'll have to fix that one

[Nyrryl Cadiz]

@tenmei @jdubz @Georgios-Christopoulos thanks for the help, guys!

[Nyrryl Cadiz]

new update:

[Nyrryl Cadiz]

new update:

[Jeremy Ross]

Hi @Nyrryl-Cadiz, I like A.

Good luck!

[Nyrryl Cadiz]

@Jeremy-Ross thank you!

[Nyrryl Cadiz]

update: