Developing great visual stories
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I just started this course too. I'm a little bit unclear about the secondary story as well. I had a hard time identifying secondary stories in many of his examples. A possible secondary story for this piece would maybe be the dog being happy with his tongue out and looking at something blowing by him with interest? Or maybe the birds are flying closer to the dog and are surprised there's a dog in their territory? Or maybe a kid with goggles and scarf on a playground airplane in the background? Those suggestions would completely change the tone and the focus of the piece though. Maybe one that would keep with your current mood would be to have the dog trying to keep his toy from blowing away, so you have one more element in your chain reaction. It's so tricky to find the balance between what will enhance a piece and what will distract from it. Currently I do think your piece is clear, there's fun interest in the chain reaction, and nothing seems to distract from it, so you are successful on many fronts.
My only suggestion at this point would be to reconsider the gesture or expression of the girl hanging on to the fence. She looks a little nonchalant and relaxed to me. Maybe more tension in her grip- maybe it looks like her hand are about to slip- maybe her body is at a sharper angle or her expression looks more strained. There's probably a few ways to go about it, but I think it would help the viewer relate to the tension of the moment.
Website: www.tessawrathall.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/tessawrathall_art/
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@tessaw you’ve got some good suggestions! I had thought about slipping fingers too this would allow me to change the angle of her face so we could get a clearer view of her expression. Maybe a bird is also trying to help her hold on? I’ll have to revisit that idea. Thanks for you feedback
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@asyas_illos
I love the little birds hanging on. -
@crispalomino thanks!
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I finished watching the videos and I want to change what I said before about secondary stories. I think what Will Terry is saying is that the primary story is a simple depiction of the text so in your case, any painting of a growing storm would be the primary story. Your could just paint wind whipping through trees and you would have satisfied the requirement of the text. The secondary story though is what the illustrator adds that is not necessarily in the text but that creates a new narrative within that scene. Your depiction of the kids and animals affected by the storm then would be all part of the secondary story because they are not explicit in the text and it makes you want to know more about the characters, and the storm’s effects on them, as well as the storm itself. There’s nothing in the text that says anything about kids or birds or people trying to hang on to a post but you created your own story within the story given to you by the text and that secondary story deepens the storytelling, engages the reader’s imagination, and evokes more emotion.
I may be wrong but I think that’s what he was saying in which case, all of the characters, including the birds are secondary stories. Does that make sense?
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I have a duplicate canvas that I am trying other positions out for the girl but I still like this one the best so I moved onto color yes I went with my penny colors again… still working on additional foreground color scheme
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Doing some coloring today,
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So I revisited my second canvas to play with the first kid in the chain, I’d like some opinions on which version you like better
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@asyas_illos The second because I like being able to see her face.
Laurie DeMott
instagram.com/demotlj -
@demotlj thank you for the feedback!
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I prefer the second too! I like seeing her face.
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@AngelinaKizz thank you! I be been working on it!
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Ok I’ve rearranged the face and also I think I’ve got second story. Yay! So the little birds have a purpose now being one of the girls ribbons had been whipped out by the wind the bird has caught it. Does that read well to you?
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Still playing with colors…
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The assignment didn't have to be in color, but since I will use it in Mays contest “storm” I went for it. I’m still open to feedback since it’s a ways away.
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@asyas_illos loving this. The bird’s ribbon seems to tangent with the roof, I noticed. The bit of curl in the middle is completely contained by the roof shape, if you see what I mean. My only other suggestion would be to possibly lighten the birds, or at least their faces, as they’re do dark.
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@crispalomino I did notice that tangent, yah it needs adjusting and I also agree about doing something to the birds I love the dark but maybe I can adjust it a little so their faces are clearer, thanks for the suggestions!
