SCBWI masthead feedback wanted

[Asyas_illos]

@Johanna-Kim here’s the original and a mark up of the ideas for the placement

[Asyas_illos]

Should I limit the amount spaces to use for text to just one?

[Johanna Kim]

@Asyas_illos I think the text would fit perfectly in the top right corner in front of the cloud. Now in term of composition, I wonder if you could play with the composition a bit, vary scale and/or perspective, to create more of a dynamic composition? See how energetic the upper example is? Your eye moves around and around. Right now, yours feels very left-right, calm, except for the bridge and the seagulls. But maybe that's the feeling you're aiming for?

[Asyas_illos]

@Johanna-Kim yes I didn’t want it to feel too busy which in my opinion the top one (original) is. I would’ve like to add some color to the top somehow but didn’t want to do too many of things they used previously like the kite and hot air balloon. Maybe I could do like a red plane with a banner trailing behind it…

[Asyas_illos]

so here’s where I am currently, I know the birds kind of disappear into the fog but other than that does the composition look ok?

[Asyas_illos]

Ok I think I’m going sit on this for a bit before submitting… but I am still interested in hearing any thoughts you might have on it!

[ajillustrates]

@Asyas_illos I have just one little note: maybe rase the grass tufts up a bit on the left hand side (specifically the second from the left). Right now, the one o bridge continues right into the grass, so you're losing some of your depth. Love the overall illustration.

[Melissa_Bailey]

@Asyas_illos very cute! Love the colors, the reading, the engaging characters, and how you've worked in SF landmarks.

Here's something to think about: what is your focal point in this illustration? Do you want the landscape to dominate (which it's doing now), the focus on SF, or on the kids reading?

I took a screenshot and circled the areas where things are happening -- notice all that "dead" space? Instead of what's basically a cute landscape as a banner, why not showcase the kids, the heart of why SCBWI does what it does?

Here's a drawover, just a suggestion of what you could do to increase the impact of this sweet banner:

Here are suggestions based on the drawover:

• Increase the size of the characters, giving them more visual weight.

• Balance out the composition -- think about adding a kid or two running to join the group -- adds some life and interest to a static scene.

• Switch the direction of the plane, so it's flying toward the action, leading the eye to the characters and text. (Also consider increasing its size so that "go read" is legible.

• Play with your values even more. Darken the seagulls so they're more visible. You may also want to play with the values on the characters so that they stand out more from the midtown background.

• Consider shrinking the Golden Gate Bridge so that it's more in the background -- it will still be there, but the focus will be squarely on the kids and banner text.

Of course, these are only suggestions. This is YOUR art and you get to do what you want with it! ️

[Asyas_illos]

@ajillustrates thank you for the feedback! yes things get a bit hazy in that corner don’t they? I will look into fixing that!

[Asyas_illos]

@Melissa_Bailey thank you for all the wonderful suggestions! I love the increased size of the characters! I had considered adding a fourth character on left but I wanted to keep it an odd number but seeing how the girls are somewhat grouped I guess I could try it? Thanks again!

[Asyas_illos]

Ok I took some of everyone’s awesome suggestions and reworked it a bit, what are your thoughts? I enlarged the characters, moved the plane, added some grass, also moved the gulls and added a few more, and I’m going to work on another character. Does this feel better compositionally or is it getting to busy?

[Melissa_Bailey]

@Asyas_illos your so welcome! Regarding your changes and if it seems too busy, I don't think it will be too busy at all. Plus, if you want to give that feeling of community coming together to read, then a busier scene will do that.

You might want raise the grass even more on the left side -- it almost looks like the new character is walking on the clouds or the bridge. Separating those even more will help the readability.

Looking good! Looking forward to seeing the finished piece!

[Asyas_illos]

@Melissa_Bailey haha I actually just did that! Here’s where it’s going…

[jenn]

@Asyas_illos I always love your cute characters! The overall look and feel of this are very welcoming and fun. I just have one small observation which is that the gull on the kid's head is lost in the cloud/fog a little, light-on-light. Perhaps the cloud/fog could go slightly darker behind the gull. Also I like how you added the kid on the left. If you consider the gull to be your '5th character' that would make it an odd number, haha. Or... you could say there are 3 groupings of characters.

[Asyas_illos]

@jenn Thank you! And thanks for the feedback! I lightened the fog a little hopefully that helps a bit.

[Asyas_illos]

Here’s the final! I have til the 10th to enter so I’ll let sit for another few days, still open to feedback! Thanks to those who gave super awesome feedback!

[jenn]

@Asyas_illos I love it! Reducing the opacity of the fog was a great idea!