Hello welcome to the forum! Highly recommend the classes!
I agree with @Frogpunzel with there being too many focal points, it clutters your composition. The story is clear, which is good. But I’m not sure what the circle at the bottom is. I did a draw over to show how your composition could improve, I hope that’s ok. First I’d remove the two fish circling the top and I’d raise the baby fish and hook a bit. I’d also remove the circle and the small fish behind it to de-clutter the bottom. And raise mama fishes glow lure up for a clearer silhouette. I also added fins to her. I Hope this was helpful to you. Looking forward to seeing more from you!
@Frogpunzel thanks so much! My pitfall is usually that I add to many details. Really helpful.
@Asyas_illos wow thanks so much!! Amazing how you re drew it so quickly. Super helpful. Have to really work on having more focus and simplifying my ideas. It really helps to get great feedback like this.
@Chantal-Goetheer I agree with the other comments about simplifying. The draw-over that @Asyas_illos did really helped clarify the story for me. I’m always having to remind myself that a great illustration doesn’t have to be complicated! For color you could try colored pencils or even crayons. They are easy to set up and work on in little bits of time, since there’s no paint to cleanup! Doing some washes with watercolor and then working the details on top with colored pencils is another fast and fairly simple way to work. Good luck! Your characters are super cute and I’m excited to see them finished!
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kirsten.mcgonigal.art/
Portfolio Site: www.kirstenmcgonigalart.com
@kirsten-mcg thanks so much! Yes it's a good idea a combination of watercolor and crayons, seems manageable. Will need to check out Lee's video on luminesence to get stuff to glow. To be continued.
@Chantal-Goetheer Welcome!! I’m brand new here too, and I’ve found the forums so friendly and helpful.
I love your concept! And I agree that the draw-over by @Asyas_illos helped clarify the story.
I’m looking forward to seeing the next stage of this piece!
@susanhowarth-art thanks! i agree with you. It helps so much to have people on this forum, super constructive. So happy I've found this. I first went for it because of the flexibility of the classes, but I love the forum. We'll keep on creating and learn something brand spanking new every time 
@Asyas_illos @Frogpunzel @kirsten-mcg @susanhowarth-art Just curious. What are your goals and time frames with SVS? My dream is to make picture books with engaging stories about the environment to inspire kids to look differently at our planet, but I want to keep teaching. Currently teaching students environmental innovation. But it's the few that already are aware and care. Want to reach the smaller kids.
@Chantal-Goetheer @Chantal-Goetheer The story is clear and much clearer with the edits from @Asyas_illos
The ideas for how to add color from @kirsten-mcg are really great!
Keep sharing your progress 
@Chantal-Goetheer I love children's books! That's where it starts for me. I have four children and I think I was the most excited about going to the library to pick out books to read together 
If the art was good in the book, I was sold... The type that judges a book by it cover...LOL For my goals, I would like to develop the ability to create children's picture books author/illustrator because I also love to create stories. Timeline for me for SVS... It may seem slow, but I wanted to be realistic for me. I want to get most of the early foundations in place within 4 years, so that year 5 (The year my youngest will start kindergarten) I am polishing up and ready to start 
I am on year two and enjoying what I'm learning. Best of wishes, and I look forward to seeing your work!
@Frogpunzel very recognizable picture you paint of the library, mom really excited with the books, while the kids randomly pick books and often pick the ones they know 
. Great goals and I completely get the timeline. Looking forward to following your work and seeing you grow towards your goals.
@Chantal-Goetheer My goal is to make picture books and illustrate MG chapter books as well. I found SVS about 6 months ago, and since then I've seen my work grow in leaps and bounds. Every single class I watch I either learn something I didn't learn in college (I have an art degree), or re-learn something I forgot. It's been amazing! I do have an agent, and I'm submitting my portfolio to publishers as well, even though I feel like I still have a lot of improvements to make. I don't have any published work yet, and so my goal is to illustrate a book in the next year. I also want to write and illustrate my own picture book, and eventually chapter book as well. I have 4 children as well, who I homeschool, so life is a little crazy, and things move slower than I would like! But I'm hopeful that with SVS streamlining things for me I'll be able to meet my goal. And thanks for sharing your goal! I feel like verbalizing our goals is an important to making them happen.
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kirsten.mcgonigal.art/
Portfolio Site: www.kirstenmcgonigalart.com
@kirsten-mcg wow, keep it up! I think if you keep up pursuing it, it will happen and great you keep following courses to improve. Good to know that even with an art degree SVS still has a lot to offer. Kudos for homeschooling your kids! Can only imagine how limited the time is that you have left, let alone energy. In Dutch we have a saying about the one that keeps at it, wins.
@Chantal-Goetheer I didn't see it at first, but now I know the large fish is the mother. It looks as if she is looking at the shark with worry for her babies. If that is what you want, then I suggest having the kids play around the dangerous looking items.
I assume the kids are exploring their new territory, and mom just spotted the shark. However, not to get technical, angler fish live so deep that they are unlikely to be targets of sharks. I would focus on the fish hook or anchor as the threat, since, being so dark and deep, the kids would not have seen something like that and understand the danger, but mom perhaps would.
I think some distance between mom and kids would help with the feeling of urgency or danger.
Maybe less teeth in mom's mouth as well so the expression is clearer. And one thing I learned recently from one of the 3PP podcasts (on YT) is if you move the iris of an eye ever so slightly away from the edge of the eye, it changes a worried or shocked expression for the better.
Hope that helps!
@tom-barrett Many thanks! Indeed it's the mother fish . The story is in fact about the hook, so will delete the sharks entirely. You are right to now mix the two. Just saw this amazing picture with sharks and colours and wanted to add it all in . I'll try to play around with the irisis and go easy on the teeth. Thanks for the tips! The baby fish and the hook will move up the page as @Asyas_illos suggested in a re-draw. I'm now using coloured pencils on black paper as it seems an easier way to make things glow.
Hi,
Here is what I've got so far using black paper as base with coloured pencils. I took out many elements and tried to get the focus on mother and baby fish with hook clear. The picture I took of it is terrible, sorry.
Love to hear if there are further improvements possible/desired or if this is almost good to go, then I'll make a final version and try to figure out how to best digitalise the work! Many thanks!
@Chantal-Goetheer Love the Finding Nemo feel in the story. Very simple now.
You actually might be able to simplify it even more dialing down your colors.
Right now, I’m not sure I see a system with the colors, so I might be missing you doing something like this, but you could use a universal color throughout the fish and then use a second color to help highlight the mom’s alarm.
Maybe it’s yellow throughout the fish lights and eyes, but then the mom’s light is red light her Spidey-sense is going off?
@KevinTreaccar you're right! There was no system in colour. I started with a white basis, but then added a bunch of colours. Should be more selective with them. Thanks for calling it to my attention. This morning after sleeping on it, I did think it was too colourful, lol. So you are completely right.
@KevinTreaccar followed in top speed the magic of colour class and am planning to make different versions with different colour schemes to figure out which works best and to practice. This is my deep sea monochromatic one. I feel like a complete beginner next to all the amazing art work I see in this forum. My question to you guys: How does the colouring look/work out? 
@Chantal-Goetheer I like the less saturated blues/greens throughout. Very clear. Now, if you want, you can use a more saturated color – maybe the same blue/green to draw attention – to draw attention to the inquisitive fish. You also might be able to work in a red on Momma Fish to show her alarm and pull attention to her concern, too.
@susanhowarth-art thanks! i agree with you. It helps so much to have people on this forum, super constructive. So happy I've found this. I first went for it because of the flexibility of the classes, but I love the forum. We'll keep on creating and learn something brand spanking new every time
