Glow - Critiques welcome :)

ArtMelC

Hello!
This will be my entry for this month's Critique Arena.
I didn't have time to post roughs for feedback earlier, but any major/minor tweaks to improve it before I submit in a few days?

Chantal Goetheer

@ArtMelC I love the glow of unwrapping the gift and the little one reaching for the lights as well. It really comes out the glow. I'm just not sure what the cloud with the rainbow is? Because the kid and mother are looking down as if the gift is still inside the glowing box?

Heather Boyd

@ArtMelC I agree with @Chantal-Goetheer. The rainbow cloud looks like it's floating, and not attached to anything. Is it symbolic? Is it meant to be an object hanging down? Is it a stuff pillow? If so, I'd add an additional shadow underneath, as if it were sitting on the floor.

We can definitely tell the little girl just loves rainbows. The glow there is nice. But I would perhaps change the direction of the little boys attention towards the rainbow's glow, I think it would draw our eye back to the main event.

ArtMelC

@Chantal-Goetheer thank you! The rainbow cloud is just part of the themed party decor and to soften the corner of the room but I get that it's probably drawing too much attention to itself.

Let me think about what I can do to lessen the focus there and more towards the glowing gift. Maybe I'll replace it with a bunch of balloons or something less conspicuous.

ArtMelC

@Heather-Boyd Thank you. I think the big rainbow cloud decor may be calling too much attention to itself. I'll think about replacing it with something else.

I'll also play around with the toddler's gaze a bit more. Part of me likes that he isn't looking where everyone else is because that is what toddlers do 99% of the time but maybe I need to make that work with the current story and composition

ArtMelC

@Heather-Boyd Thank you. I think the big rainbow cloud decor may be calling too much attention to itself. I'll think about replacing it with something else.

I'll also play around with the toddler's gaze a bit more. Part of me likes that he isn't looking where everyone else is because that is what toddlers do 99% of the time but maybe I need to make that work with the current story and composition

Heather Boyd

@ArtMelC I agree with you about the toddler's gaze (it's a nice side story, I thought about it afterwards, sorry lols); but if you could maybe find a way to pull the lights back around to the main event or something.

@ArtMelC I agree with @Heather-Boyd about the toddlers gaze. My eye is drawn to the top right portion on the illustration instead of the left.

I think it has to do with the toddler's gaze and pose. The arm reaching out is pointing the eye in that direction which is away from the area of focus.

You could move the dad and toddler to the other side of the image so this action is happening near the girl and mom opening the present. Making it a vertical comp instead of horizontal. From left to right: father, toddler reaching, girl opening present and then mother.
Hope that helps if you decide to go that direction with the composition.

You've really been focusing on the rainbow story which is so great. Also, I want to know what's inside the box she's opening!

Heather Boyd

@Stephanie-H @ArtMelC Stephanie-H just gave me an idea for you. You could flip the dad and the son, so that he's pointing back into the story, pointing up at the light to the left and not the right.

ArtMelC

@Heather-Boyd @Stephanie-H @Chantal-Goetheer Thank you for your insights and suggestions. This is my attempt to improve... let me know if it works... I think I've been looking at it too much and can't judge anymore.

Chantal Goetheer

@ArtMelC switching the position of dad and kid really helps getting the attention back to the main story. The rainbow cloud makes much more sense with the seven on it. It is still stands out with the lighter colours. To me it seems to be floating a bit. Is it a balloon? Then it might be a good idea to hang it to the string of lights instead of putting it in the corner? The left wall seems an equal blackish colour, but the lights don't reflect on the wall? Small things, but overall much better composition and much clearer story.