Kamari Sweet 16 Critique & Revision!

Jeremy Ross

Hi SVS fam!

Firstly, I would like to take this opportunity to thank @Lee-White and @will-terry-art for the live critique during the Critique Arena challenge!

I’m fortunate to have made the cut; however, I wanted to take Lee’s and Will’s advice to focus on both parts of the prompt, “end of the road”, and “new beginning”.

The original piece did great to focus on “end of the road”, though lacked the “new beginning”.
Changed the sign to “Sold”, to represent Kamari moving into a new home and new neighborhood.
Added Dad walking towards house with box to show they are moving in.
Bluey, Kamari’s dog, is quick to help the viewer see the new beginning, which is a new friendship.
little girl upstairs is happy to see who’s moving in.

Without further ado, here’s the before and after.

What do you think?

Before

After

Chantal Goetheer

@Jeremy-Ross yeah great to see how a few changes can make the new beginning much more clear! I really like the dad addition and the dog looking happy and curious around him and girl. The dog seems to be looking down the road and maybe could be looking more towards the girl? The red of her sweater helps catch the eye. And maybe if the door to the house was open it might be even more the feel of a move in taking place? But i think the changes make a big difference.

ArtistErin

Yes I agree with @Chantal-Goetheer and she also makes a good point about the front door being open showing more of the moving in process, so great job making these changes Love your work!!

Jeremy Ross

Thank you @Chantal-Goetheer and @ArtistErin, you both make excellent suggestions! Appreciate your help!

Jean Watson

@Jeremy-Ross The changes are great. Just one thing on the dad. Is he meant to be happy or grimacing? Could possibly make his state of mind clearer. I've never seen a Dad look so happy during a move!

Jeremy Ross

True @Jean-Watson! Moving sucks, lol! Good suggestion.

Jeremy Ross

Hi @Chantal-Goetheer, @ArtistErin and @Jean-Watson,

Thanks again for your feedback! The door is now open, dad looks a bit more normal, and moved Bluey closer to Kamari to guide the eye to the girl in the window.

Cheers!

ArtistErin

@Jeremy-Ross Love the changes! I love how everyone but Kamari is thriving and happy... makes you wonder what her anxiety might be. Great storytelling

Jeremy Ross

Thank you @ArtistErin!