Tight Deadline! New Book Project. Feedback Much Appreciated!
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@von_Nimmermehr I love this! I believe you are the first to say anything about the font. I do agree with you. I had played around with keeping that font and just lightening it up a bit, but yeah, I don’t think it suits. I’ll have to play around with some serif fonts.
You say the position is okayish, are you saying it’s not quite centered? Page 2 of the last finished spread is indeed a bit awkward, I’ve not found a way to make it not so as of yet. I’ve considered taking out the wreath, but I have other wreaths in pages later down in the story and it doesn’t seem consistent to not have any wreaths in the beginning of the story as well. Thanks so much for your suggestions
And again, feel free for more comments!@skeletortoise I’m glad your enjoying it! Thank you!
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Here are some font types I’ve been playing with. Thoughts @von_Nimmermehr. Anyone feel free to chime in
Font (below): Gill Sans
Font (below): Kefa
Font (below): Optima (I like this one too, but I feel like it might be too thin, Procreate doesn’t seem to have this in Medium/Reg, only light. I should be able to get other thicknesses for that font type when formatting in Indesign).
The Original Font (below): Din Condensed
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@Elizabeth-Rose Hi! Just looked through from the beginning. Really fun to see how it's evolved. The outfits and old-fashionedy look really bring the story to a whole new level.
Regarding the font, the last one is definitely too bold and clashes with your hand-written style, and the one above (Optima) is - as you said - too fine, though pretty. The first 2 get my vote... Though that doesn't really help you choose...
One question regarding the image: is the fence there for a reason? To me it looks like the squirrel is looking over to the neighbour's tree.
Also something that bugs me a bit is that the little squirrel replies "yes, I would" to the question "how would you like..." which doesn't quite make grammatical sense. Though maybe it's an Americanism?
Anyway, sorry for my nitpicking.
I'm really enjoying this and looking forward to seeing how it all comes together. 
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@Elizabeth-Rose Optima is perfectly fine i think, since it's good readable but also dont take away the attantion. Kefa works too
Also i like how you changed the position of the text on the left page. it looks way better now
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@Robyn-Hepburn Oh my thank you for all those golden nuggets! Yeah, Beatrix Potter and Bramble Hedge really got me into the old fashioned clothing style.
Later in the story the fence will make sense, but I didn’t notice till you mentioned that it does look like she is looking at the neighbor’s house. I made some adjustments below to help with that, even adding a sign on the tree that says: “Mr. & Mrs. Squirrel Family.” It will be visible when printed in book form. Its kinda small now.
Yeah, I see what you mean about the grammatical sense with the conversation on the 2nd page. I simplified it a bit, I’m not sure it it completely fixed it though (I will need to re-align Mama Squirrel’s convo wording, I left it as is temporarily). Do you have any suggestions?@von_Nimmermehr Yeah, I think Kefa might by my favorite so far
And you’re right, the new position does seem to work a lot better.
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The first chicken scratch to the final render:
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@Elizabeth-Rose So, i wondered why you would go for the white space now on the first left page.
I would just make the space a bit lighter if you want, but the white....it seems just so so brigt for the left page.
What was your thoughts here?
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@Elizabeth-Rose That open gate makes a huge difference!
Ooh, you're trusting me with dialogue suggestions? I'm honoured! But I will not be offended if you ignore them completely.
How about:
"Would you like to start a garden of your own this year?"
"Oh, yes! I'd love to!"
or
"This year, what do you think about starting a garden of your own?"
"I would love that!"
There are many possibilities, but each character probably has their own voice in your head, so it will depend on that really. For example, something like "Darling, you've become such a good little gardener. Do you think you could handle the garden yourself this year?" maybe sounds a bit like the mother doesn't have full faith in her.
(I'm just rambling now, sorry!)
By the way, I love that notebook on the left page of your latest post.
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Yey, More feedback!
@von_Nimmermehr Thanks for your thoughts here, and that’s a good question indeed. My thoughts are mostly about legibility. I played around with it for a while and settled on the cleanses of the white space. I feel like it adds movement and diversity from the previous spread and consistency throughout the book. Several other pages/spreads have that half page illustration style (Part illustration and part white page). Perhaps it looks funny cause it’s hard to see where the actual page ends and the website background begins in the photo above.
Does this help? Thoughts?
@Robyn-Hepburn Yey! I can’t thank you enough for helping me fix that! It’s cracks me up every time I make a book. Some pages/spreads get changed and fixed multiple times while other pages/spreads seemingly are created just right and don’t need hardly any tending too.
And yes, I trust you with dialogue! If anything, its a great spring-board to hear what your thoughts and suggestions are. And those are great! I’ll play around with the dialogue some more! -
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The Next Spread!
The Before and After:
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And The next spread:
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I beta reader had an idea for the font. He really liked the look of the pencil traced font. Anybody have thoughts on that?
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@Elizabeth-Rose I like the font! Matches with the atmosphere of the book
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@Elizabeth-Rose Yes! That is perfect. It fits in with the feeling of the whole book and the dialogue's text too.
P.S. I love the lighting!
P.P.S Should the goat be saying "bahaha?" It sounds more like laughter to me.
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@MiaNova Yeah, I’m really liking it too. I’ll have to turn it into an actual font in my font program. Another thing to add to the list!
@Robyn-Hepburn Another vote for the pencil font!
P.S. Thanks!
P.P.S. I know, it kinda does lol. I probably should fix that. XDThe next pages! (Before & After) Any thoughts on these?
(The font on the rendered spread is the favorite serif font from above. I still like it. Maybe I could try to do a pencil version of that and see how it looks?)
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Before and after.
The before sketch here, I actually turned into two spreads in the final draft. That’s why this before sketch is paired with another final render above too.
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Any goat lovers out there? I’m sure you can relate to this one!
This spread wasn’t in the original storyline. It was added about halfway through the storyline work. My editors all agreed I needed to really push more of the highs and lows in the story. Hence the scene below. (Gotta love Nigerian Dwarfs!)
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@Elizabeth-Rose
The evil-goat-laugh! -
@Elizabeth-Rose haha it makes me think of my brother's goats. Evil cute creatures. Preferably escape just before he has to go to work. Haha. I really loved that pencil traced font!! And it's so nice seeing the book develop bit by bit.
