Mermay WIP - I would love your feedback!
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Ouch! I just realized the tail has an impossible angle!! Already fixed it!
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@Elena-Marengoni both are great pieces. I actually prefer the second. I don't think its sad. The story is clear within seconds for me on the second one. The first I needs to take a little more time looking at the image to see what the story is behind it. Not sure if that will change your mind LOL.
P.S. great stuff on instagram!
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@Elena-Marengoni I would agree with @Chip-Valecek that the second one is provided the viewer a better story.
You might want to look at the framing of the piece though. The little girls head is pretty close to the top of the piece. I love all of the additional details you are providing though. They really make the pieces work.
-The Prairie Fox
https://www.instagram.com/theprairiefox
https://www.theprairiefox.com -
@Elena-Marengoni very nice, but I gotta say that the second one really draws me in more, there’s more emotion to connect to. I can see that the girl is sad, but what I connect to is the empathy being displayed by the mermaid. I agree with @theprairiefox that reframing it a bit so the girls head isn’t too close to the edge would be better. Also I’d suggest allowing the bear to be whole rather than missing an arm. You have a character that’s comforting another with a teddy bear; for me, the missing (jagged) arm breaks up the smooth/round lines and slightly undercuts the feeling it gives. Great work you have going on here.
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I love the second piece as well! I think bringing the figures further down and eliminating a bit of the unused space underwater might help with the composition. Good luck!
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@Elena-Marengoni I do like the second one for the reasons everyone mentions, especially the stronger composition and more serious emotion, BUT I was also immediately drawn to the first one for what looks like exhausted-mermaid-mom to me. Maybe an interesting concept for another time?
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@Chip-Valecek thank you!!
You're actually right, the outcome of the second story isn't sad at all...after seeing all the comments, I might indeed change my mind! -
@theprairiefox thank you for the suggestion! Yes, totally agree, the way the photo is taken is all wrong (I wanted to avoid capturing the edge of the sketchbook, but yes, it does need more space on the top)
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@Adrian-K I love your suggestion for the teddy bear. I tried it out and also changed a little bit the storytelling...now I feel the image is stronger. Very helpful!
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@djly thank you for the suggestions! Indeed, that's what it needs, plus some details!
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@suenaumi that was exactly the intention behind it! But after all the great feedback I got, I feel I can relate to the second piece more, so I'm gonna go with that I think. Thank you for the feedback!
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Worked on it a little bit last night and I'm feeling quite happy with the progress, although I might go and give the teddy bear a happier expression and add some more details to the underwater world.
Can't wait to color this with markers and pastels!!
