Mermay Foodtruck WIP, Feedback wanted

theprairiefox

@marine I like how your concept is coming.

I had a couple thoughts right off.

Gloria is being cut off. I think you could use the van to frame her better. You might explore making the window bigger or something so the viewer gets a better read from her.
You might want to focus the look of the mermaid on your secondary focus (maybe the boy)? The viewer will follow where characters look and even though she is part of the truck she has a face and eyes to lead the viewer. Use that to your advantage.

Otherwise, good progress. I would love to see a value study to see how you are going fully work out your design.

marine

@theprairiefox Thank you so much for your feedback!

For Gloria, at first I thought she would be much bigger and almost filled her cute little truck. Maybe she could even lean more outside her window and I could show part of her fish tail somewhere? The viewer would need to look for hidden details to get the full story.
That's a good point! Thanks!

marine

Following @theprairiefox 's feedback, I've been making some changes :

1.a. I thought it would be fun to show more of the seller, and give an hint to the viewer, hiding her fishtail.
b. However, I wonder if her wink to GrandPa is too much?

The big boy is mesmerised by the mermaid sign.
Also did a quick value study, this step is always difficult to me...

Johanna Kim

@marine I like your concept and the mermaid seller is super fun. I think you don't really need the wink. I'd rather prefer that she be looking at the boy in front of her. The man with suspenders - suggest moving him a bit left, as his crotch is sort've lining up with the docking cleat in the background. With suspender man, I wonder if he could have a more pensive gesture, with his right arm up and his hand under his chin or scratching his head, as he compares the mermaid on the truck to the lady. Love the old sailer guy running for his fish and chips. Maybe to add more storytelling, the boy could have a friend (girl preferably since there aren't any other females) and she could already be snacking on her fish and chips on the side, and just noticing the fish tail in the window? Or a seagull could have landed on the front of the truck and is peering into the front window? Not really necessary, though as you've got lots of story already. Your values look fine to me.

marine

@Johanna-Kim , thank you very much for your feedback! Love your idea of the seagull looking into the truck!!! Will definitely add it!
Also the pensive gesture of the guy with suspenders is so clever, thanks so much! It will add more layers to the illo.

Loving this community so much, helping each other to push your work further!

marine

Revised sketch with seagulls looking into the truck, pensive guy with suspenders mesmerized by the mermaid sign and revised seller pose and window...

marine

WIP... colour blocking...colours are so hard!
Still a long way to go adding details, textures...hoping to finish on time...

marine

Hey guys!
I'm trying to finish this piece for the challenge but I really struggle with the shadows on the ground.
Any tips on how to find the shape of the old sailor running?
Are the other ones looking too strong? I guess my source of light would be a zenith sun...
Many thanks in advance!

Kevin Longueil

@marine This looks great - i love the old sailor and really feel like that might be where the story is for this piece - i keep wondering what is going on with him - i like the big guy too but wanted to see the composition with more of an emphasis on the sailor so i did a quick cut and paste - i think it may work really well without the big fellow in there - i like how the mermaid sign seems to be seeing the sailor approach too - anyways - i hope this is not annoying feedback - really nice piece!

Untitled_Artwork 3.jpg

marine

Many thanks @Kevin-Longueil for your feedback!
I like your draw over but as you say it put the emphasis on the old sailor whereas my goal was to put the emphasis on the lady (mermaid) and her beautiful truck, who's attracting all kinds of fishermen
I think I should have been more crazy on the truck to make it the focal point but I will submit it like that for now... I could definitely improve this piece, will see in the future... as Jake Parker would say : "Finished, not Perfect"