Ok, I made these improvements--Thanks so much, everybody!! Clyde makes more of a comically cute statement now, and I made the vines look more like vines and increased the scale of Bongo's hands. I also added a texture overlay which bumped up the intensity of the colors a bit.
In the process of making these changes I started to develop some questions I hope some of the folks here can help answer. I'm not sure there are actual answers...
Is choosing the moments in a story to illustrate normally the purview of an Illustrator? I would think Art Directors/Editors would have very specific ideas regarding which moments of stories they want illustrated. I'm asking because I simply don't know--I've never worked with an Art Director of any type of children's publication. Most of the Art Director discussion panels I've seen and workshops I've attended through my local SCBWI seem to be with ADs that are incredibly specific about what they've directed their Illustrators to do... One AD from one of the "Big Five" even took selfies, which she would then email the illustrator saying "I want the expression on her face to look like this," and had the Illustrators compose imagery around text that was already formatted on the page (she called it a galley sheet). I can't imagine they'd just let Illustrators choose which parts of a story to illustrate.
@Nyrryl-Cadiz's simple suggestion of pulling Clyde closer to make him more threatening really made me think about what purpose this illustration was serving in the telling of the story, and it made me wonder if that was the kind of question an Illustrator is even allowed to answer... What kinds of parameters are Illustrators given on a projects like this, normally? If I was an AD for a magazine and needed a single illustration for a specific story, do I normally let an Illustrator choose which moments to illustrate? Does it depend on the AD? The publication? The project?
I'm curious, because I've seen illustrations that don't necessarily articulate specific moments of a story, but capture the emotional essence of the characters involved, much more similar to the monthly "word prompts" we normally receive. This is a nice change of pace this month, and to be honest I'm completely thrown. LOL!