WIP - Bongo & Clyde - Feedback Wanted

[theprairiefox]

@carolinebautista & @Johanna-Kim I thought I would put a WIP of the cut paper.

I am really liking the textured cardstock and the colors!

[A Former User]

@theprairiefox I really love the textured paper! I think I might like it better than the watercolor paper, how surprising.

[dickdavid]

@theprairiefox Sorry if I'm late for feedback. First of all, I love your process and all the steps you took to get to the paper cut-out phase. This is going to be a cool piece. The illustration is fun and really pulls me in.

As a designer, I do have some thoughts on your type.

I'm glad you've made some improvements from your original type placement. I agree with the feedback that Johanna Kim gave.

Looking at your latest type treatment, I might have some additional thoughts. First, wrapping text around objects is a craft and is as equally important to a page as the illustration.

In the first paragraph, the rag you have around the tree needs some love. My suggestion would be to drop 'so' to the next line to help fill up that negative space right after 'He passed the...'. I'm also worried about that widow (single word) at the end of your paragraph. We want to do everything within our power to avoid them. Perhaps tracking your type out a bit to force another word or two to drop and share that last line?

On the third paragraph, I would try to avoid breaking any important words with hyphens. A soft return to get 'Alligator' to the next line should help.

The rag on the paragraph below Clyde is perfect! I wonder if you can track that first line in, to bring 'closest' back together. No worries if you can't.

The last paragraph has an odd break at the first line. Seems like there's some negative space after water.

^^^^ These are all minor tweaks that you can make to get your type in a good place. I can't wait to see the finished piece. Great work!

[theprairiefox]

@dickdavid thanks for the detailed feedback!

I did not go to this level yet with the text as I was just testing it out. I will definitely pay close attention as I place the actual text over the final illustration. It is great to get the pointers!

[dickdavid]

@theprairiefox forgive me if I went to far in the weeds with that. I hope I didn’t get to prescriptive with my comments. I don’t usually say much, but when I do, sometimes I can’t turn it off. Hahaha.

I’m looking forward to seeing the final spread.

[theprairiefox]

@dickdavid it was great insights. Thanks for the comments. Definitely NOT too much. I love feedback and it always improves my pieces.

[theprairiefox]

Okay, I finally got to finish cutting all of the pieces! Was down to my last color when I had to run off.

Here is what it looks like in cut paper.

Please let me know your thoughts or any improvements that could be made. It is NOT glued down 100% (some small pieces are glued so I could get it laid out). So changes are definitely an option.

I have some different shades of each of the colors if you think there is a problem.

I will probably glue everything down tomorrow once I have feedback and then move on to putting the text on the image.

I can re-cut anything so don't hold back on feedback because you think it might be too much work.

[theprairiefox]

I think this is my final. @carolinebautista, @dickdavid, @Johanna-Kim let me know if you see anything I should change before submitting tomorrow!

[Johanna Kim]

@theprairiefox Wow, this turned out so beautiful. I love the paper texture and overall look. Not sure if you submitted already, but if you did, it's fantastic. If you still want some feedback, and it's just a personal preference thing I think, I'd prefer that Bongo's gaze lead to the Clyde (i.e., slide the the right). My gaze goes straight to his eyes, which feel like they're moving off to the left when what you really want is to move to the right and then circle back and around. Otherwise, love this. Great job!

[dickdavid]

I love the final piece. The paper craft technique is great and the type looks much better.

[theprairiefox]

@Johanna-Kim I have not submitted yet. I can still play with it. I was waiting for any final feedback.

I see what you are saying about Bongo's eye. I will see what I can do. I think I can just remake a couple of pieces to try.

Thanks again for all the feedback.

[A Former User]

@theprairiefox I'm so glad @Johanna-Kim pointed out the eye! It's good for me to notice what I didn't notice. I thought Bongo was looking at the viewer but now I can't unsee him looking to the side.

The piece looks great. It seems like the subject matter and the textured paper were a perfect match.

[theprairiefox]

@Johanna-Kim & @carolinebautista I was able to fix the eye in photoshop!

I also fixed in on the paper version but Photoshop saved me having to redo everything through the process.

I hope you like it! I am posting it now...