Feedback please!

[ArtistErin]

Thinking about this for HTFYA December, He wasn't angry, he was enraged!!!
I first thought of a joyride and just silly little kids when they're playing around the family car, and decide to take it for a spin! Just curious what your thoughts are before I start color. Thanks you guys! 

[tombarrettillo]

@ArtistErin I think you have a pretty good start here, but the dad looks more disappointed than enraged. When you think of someone who is enraged, their body language is much different. They are more animated and usually leaning toward, or over, the unfortunate target of their anger. Below is a very rough (1am) sketch as an example.

I might also take the kid a bit further and have him either trying to explain himself in a more animated fashion, or have his head in his hands in tears.

[StudioHannah]

@ArtistErin I'm going to slightly disagree with @tombarrettillo, who IS CORRECT in his advice about body language. Because my own father was a VERY calm man when I was growing up, and when he was actually enraged it was ALL in his face. You could see it in his eyes. It was scarier than if he yelled, honestly haha! Kept me in line.

So I'd go for a happy medium. I'd give him a little more of a forward lean and some tension in his body like @tombarrettillo suggested, but only a tad, to show he's holding back (because he's a good dad), and really push that facial expression. I think that would look great.

[tombarrettillo]

@StudioHannah Good point Hannah. The key take-away was his body language (leaning more). The obvious (stereotypical, maybe) go-to is to have someone yelling, which still could work as an initial reaction, followed by a more calm sit-down. Would depend on the character in the story.

[ArtistErin]

@StudioHannah AWWWESOME.... Love this insight... I wanted there to be SOME body language there but thank you for adding your experience with your Dad. My Dad is like this too. He wears his emotions in his gritting teeth and eyes, yet he wasn't a yeller, so I will play with the forward lean of the body and add a bit more around the kid! Thanks so much Hannah

[ArtistErin]

@tombarrettillo Thank you Tom! I agree, I will for sure create more lean in the gesture, I just want the building tension moment in that HOLY CRAP just saw the front page and the kid there, obviously just came away from the crime scene in bandages... I'll keep exploring! Thank you for this insight... I suppose storytelling moments I have wondered about as far as allowing the viewer to fill in the story with their own ideas around looking at those eyes, feeling the discomfort with the newspaper in the face.

So a story for you all: My sister and I constantly created dumb situations for ourselves, sometimes out of sheer boredom, stress relief, curiousity, just being kids, all the things... now I laugh about this stuff! One of our shenanigans: few prank calls to local businesses got us landed in the local paper, under the Public Notices section where violations were being reported LOL , yep, we were criminals I thought. My Dad was NOT HAPPY, and my Mom's face was thin lipped, eyes narrowed and the resulting tension was so bad I felt like my life would end. Absorbing the shock from this moment was life changing! LOL Anyway, always looking for a reason to show this emotion...

[Yogita Chawdhary]

@ArtistErin I had the same thought about leaning into the body language more as suggested by @tombarrettillo and @StudioHannah - it’ll really bring out the tension in that moment.
I was also wondering if the kid would be shown clearly on the newspaper? If yes, then no problem but if the faces aren't clear because of the scale of the illustration, maybe tweaking the headline to mention something about a 10-12-year-old boy could make it clearer that the boy is in the paper. I do like the current headline too, but this could help connect the story even more.

I love the story you shared and how you’ve taken inspiration from a real-life incident- it’s really cool! Psst… I’d love to hear more about the pranks someday!

[makekong]

@StudioHannah I agree here, show the steaming red on his face.

Also like they mention to shoe the kid is the one in the newspaper maybe give him a shirt of the same color that can be distinguished like a bright blue one so he wears it. I was also thinking he could be wearing the helmet with his dad but I think is enough with the dad talking to him about it

[Gabby Correia]

Love the concept so much!

I do agree that you can push the expression and body language of the dad more to make him ENRAGED.

Another thing to consider is if you were going to add this to your portfolio as a spread for a children's book, consider the mid-line where the book will fold. If it's not intended to be a spread disregard my advise

[ArtistErin]

@Yogita-Chawdhary This is so good! So I am working on color now, and tweaking the newspaper just like you mentioned. Also making the color of the boy's shirt match the one in the newspaper. Still feeling like I need to adjust the Dad's right hand to a pointing position, yet the way I drew it is to show like he's interrogating his son like "What were you thinking? Where did you and your friends get the idea it would be smart to take my car and run it off a ramp?" kind of gesture.

Here's another one! I was thinking about the look the sheriff gave me and my sister when he was giving us a hard talk on our doorstep about dirt clod throwing at the neighbors' house. This was my sister's idea, and I loved the excitement and thrill of being an accomplice. We took dirtclods and chucked them at the neighbor's house to see how far we could throw. It became a game, well the neighbor was spying through the window and called the sheriff. Sheriff shows up at our house, threatens to charge us $10 a dirt clod in fines. Our parents let the Sheriff scare us LOL and I'll never forget his handlebar mustache twitching when he said "TEN DOLLARS A CLOD"! He looked haggard, tired, and probably not alot of patience for naughty children.

[ArtistErin]

@Gabby-Correia Yes, for sure if this was a double spread I would consider the gutter. I thought if I create more canvas, I would need to add it behind the Dad so the whole interaction would be on the left side, which I might do!

Thank you so much for your thoughts! I'll post an update soon

[Yogita Chawdhary]

@ArtistErin Sounds great! The hand gesture will definitely add more to the rage expression!

Haha, your story is hilarious! You and your sister were definitely a mischievous duo. I’d love to see you illustrate the scene of you both throwing dirt clods at the neighbor's house and then getting scolded by the Sheriff. Those would be such fun illustrations!