SCBWI Mystery
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I think the story is coming though good, and even better with the unexpected ending. A few things I think could be improved. Taking a hint from @willterry, I would enlarge and darken the box at the front of the first panel, to help frame the action, and give the room more depth. The middle is perfect, though I might have all the kids looking at the old man, rather than each other. I like the last panel as well, but I would bring the little girl closer to the old man, so she is more involved in the story the old man is telling. Nice work!
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these look great, so clever
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@tombarrettillo The unexpected is what I was going for
so glad that is showing! I'll play with the kids' eyes, I still don't like their placement. With the first panel I was trying to really make the rest of the image almost disappear away from the focal point, but since you mention it, I don't think it's working. I might be changing the whole last image... but I really like it and I can't figure out how to show everything with a different perspective.Thank you for your help!
@lmrush Thank you!
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Beautiful job so far. Love the concept and your lighting and values are really working well. Here are my suggestions.
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I feel the drama is not quite being achieved with the kids in the middle image. It could be as simple as tweaking their expressions or you may have to change their poses, like Tom suggested, but the kids don't look as concerned or startled as I would expect. The cat is doing the best acting at the moment.
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With the first two panels you've established a composition based on a pretty strong triangle, but the last panel is not. I think the perspective of the third panel is fine, but I would think about making the last panel be based on a triangle as well to unify everything. I would lower the image on the third panel, so that it matches where the other two images are lining up in relation to the format.
Anyway, those are my thoughts. These are very well done overall and they were a pleasure to see.
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@TessW Thank you for looking Tess, you saw so much! I changed the kids' expressions here. And the last image now has the triangle look, but doesn't line up, but I think it works okay. Really appreciate the feedback!
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Very well done. Looks beautiful.
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These are fantastic way to go. Great work.
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@TessW and @evilrobot Thank you very much!
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Very nice work.The 2nd pannel works so much better now! Great work
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@NoWayMe Thank you, it was so necessary now that I look back.
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Looks good!
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@bharris I like the new expressions in the second panel, I still think the viewer is far away from the action/fun in the last panel though
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@tombarrettillo Thanks!
@julian-beresford That really helped a lot. I know it could be better, but this is what I decided to go with.I got some help from @Rich-Green who helped me get the girl in teh last panel on the same plain as the rest. Here is where I'm at with color. I'm trying to keep the line work and texture as a part of the image, to hopefully get away from the digital look that most of my work has. I'm wondering if this is working...? I don't like doing stuff really lightly colored, but is is going together well? The kids in the first panel aren't done, but you can tell where it's going a bit.
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@bharris I think the way your colouring Is great, It works really well - it has a nice textured traditional feel to it.
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@bharris these are fantastic
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@julian-beresford and @Tyson-Ranes Thank you, I wasn't sure if it was coming out well. More eyes are so helpful!
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@bharris looking great and I think you are hitting the style you are going for very well too!
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Ok, so I was hesitant to post this comment, because I'm not sure how important it is, but the warm light source in the first image is coming from the left, and then it switches to the right in the second image. I think I might be being picky about this, because I've been studying light and shade, but maybe it doesn't really matter? Either way it's looking really good. My one suggestion would be to maybe add more orange light to some of the edges of the man, but that might be personal taste.
Anyway, I think it's looking really appealing. Love the overall color palette and the way you've kept the drawing elements.
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@Rich-Green Thank you!
@TessW I can't make the ghost face emoji... but darn it! I was going to tone down the warmth just a bit anyway, so maybe it's just emoting more than being direct. My original thought with the grandpa was that he was just a total shadow, but I like your suggestion, it looks good. Thanks Tess! Congratulations on winning the contest, that piece is outstanding!!
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Awesome work and the changes you already made seems to help fixed a lot of what I would have mentioned. The subtle coloring is great and the only thing I would mention is that I think it would be nice if the grandpa on the 2nd image didnt have the dark haze around him (especially on the upper part) and if he was ever so slightly darkened. I think tess made a good point about the orange light on the edges of his body and to push the orange on the kids a touch more.
I wouldn't complain if that was the finished piece though, just throwing out ideas
