Storm sketches

Valerie Light

@jenn I agree with what @skeletortoise is saying above. We need more story on what they're brainstorming about. And like Jake said, what just happened, or what's just about to happen.

Also, I love the idea that you might use this drawing in a slideshow about the brainstorming process for your middleschoolers. Do these kids remind you of your students, and how they act during a good brainstorming session?

jenn

@skeletortoise Yes, that makes sense. Thank you for your suggestion, it will help push the concept further, to put some things into the thought bubbles, related to the problem they are trying to solve.

@Valerie-Light that's a good question. Sometimes the students can be like the kids in the drawing. Now that you mention it, I should probably incorporate some more perturbed expressions. Ideas, as we all know, don't come so easily.

jenn

Work in progress... I added more expression, some actual ideas in the bubbles, and narrative (a problem the kids are trying to solve). Thanks again in advance for any thoughts.

skeletortoise

@jenn I definitely like where this is going! I think as it is, it's a little hard to tell what they're brainstorming about, but I know this is still early sketch stage, so I'd love to see where it goes from here!

Kristen Lango

@jenn I'd second what @skeletortoise said, still a little unclear what they are thinking up, but maybe you can clarify things by having the problem that they have be really clearly illustrated in the composition or the environment that they're in? Looking forward to see where you take this!

Valerie Light

@jenn I can see they're brainstorming ways to get across the river to the carnival.

I hope it's ok to offer another take on this. I think I can see you doing something I often get stuck on, which is to build out the shapes and details in a composition, and then squeeze story details in between what I've already drawn. Then I end up with no clear focal point. I think if you wanted to take this piece to the next level, using these elements in a new composition and character poses that say "we are brainstorming to get across the river to the awesome thing" and then deciding if the kids are focused on the carnival, the brainstorm cloud, or each other, or tools, etc.

jenn

@Valerie-Light thank you so much. You have described my problem exactly. The problem is now which concept to make into the focus. It's a good problem to have, though. I am glad that the characters' goal has been made clear, but now I have to choose how to tell the story.

jenn

I'm SO BAD AT COLOR but here's a progress shot of the new composition, with more focus on the brainstorm itself. I am having trouble with colors and values. I want the storm to be colorful, but still read as a storm. Frustration... I'm gonna take a break and go shopping.

Valerie Light

@jenn I actually really like the way you use color. I remember your roughs for the Riley prompt. the box kite was luminous.
In this one, you might just want to sub out that lime color with a darker value, and keep getting lighter as you go into the background, to lean into that atmospheric perspective drawing your eye back.

jenn

@Valerie-Light Thanks, I will try that.

PenAndrew

@jenn I think you could play with colour to be more comfortable with it, as well as make colour charts if that's appealing.
I found by looking at colour I could see what I liked If a colour was too cold and dull I would try adding another to see how it brought it to life, I found single colours with pencils often were more boring compared to a mix of two, that always brought the colours to life. Sometimes three colours created amazing colour. But I had to mix the right three tones, usually a light, medium and dark colour.

jenn

OK I'm still hacking away at this. Thanks for the feedback and encouragement on color @Valerie-Light and @PenAndrew.

Asyas_illos

@jenn you can do it!

jenn

@Asyas_illos Thanks!

Kristen Lango

@jenn This feels clear! I can see that they need to cross the river to get to the fair and they are brainstorming solutions - I think this will work out as a finished piece

jenn

@Kristen-Lango thank you for that feedback. I was feeling unsure about the level of clarity.

jenn

The final (same as the contest thread). Thanks @Kristen-Lango, @Asyas_illos @PenAndrew @Valerie-Light @skeletortoise @kirsten-mcg for pushing me to strengthen it.

Valerie Light

@jenn Nice work and great progress! And again I love the way you're using color!

PenAndrew

@jenn Much better Jenn.

AngelinaKizz

Nice job Jenn!