Society of Visual Storytelling

    SVSLearn Forums

    • Register
    • Login
    • Search
    • Recent
    • Tags
    • Popular
    • Users
    • Groups
    • Search

    First time posting - looking for some critical feedback

    Illustration
    illustration kidlitart critique dinosaur dentist
    8
    13
    4798
    Loading More Posts
    • Oldest to Newest
    • Newest to Oldest
    • Most Votes
    Reply
    • Reply as topic
    Log in to reply
    This topic has been deleted. Only users with topic management privileges can see it.
    • amberwingart
      amberwingart last edited by amberwingart

      Hi Larissa,

      I love this! So far it's looking great, but there are a few things that sort of threw me:

      1. Right now it looks like the toothbrush is behind the dino's mouth...it might read better if you overlapped some edges
      2. The shower curtain is almost bigger than the dino and it's sort of awkwardly poking him in the neck, trapping him in that space. It might look a little better if you make the shower curtain just a little smaller and make it not touch his neck (it can still be leading the eye to his head without actually touching him)
      3. The towel is unnecessary in that spot and his tail is leading the eye to it, making it a distraction. It might be better to move the shower curtain over and put a small hand towel next to the sink or something, if you'd like to include one.

      I'm sorry - I wish I could do a draw over for you, as I know how helpful they can be, but unfortunately I don't have a program to do that...But I really like this piece a lot! I hope those suggestions were helpful 🙂

      Facebook Page: http://www.facebook.com/amberwingart
      Instagram: @savinafranciscoart
      YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/amberwingart
      Website: http://www.amberwingart.com
      SVS Sketchbook: http://forum.svslearn.com/topic/915/savina-s-sketchbook-updated-2-13-16

      1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 1
      • Larissa Brown Marantz
        Larissa Brown Marantz last edited by

        Amber. Great advice. Thanks for chiming in, it is so greatly appreciated. Sometimes after working on a piece all day it's hard to see it clearly. I went ahead and made the adjustments you suggested. I cropped the bathroom wall on the left to make it feel a bit more cramped in this little bathroom with this big dinosaur. I added length to the toothbrush and changed the tilt of it by reversing the direction of the girls hands on the brush. I vignetted the piece a bit more to give a greater area of contrast on the focal point.

        0_1467141737788_Dinosaur Dentist revised.jpg

        IG: @larissadrawsstuff
        Twitter: @ocartstudios
        Blog: larissamarantz.blogspot.com

        Kevin Longueil amberwingart 2 Replies Last reply Reply Quote 1
        • Kevin Longueil
          Kevin Longueil SVS OG @Larissa Brown Marantz last edited by

          @Larissa-Brown-Marantz Hey Larissa - i like this piece and the changes you've made - a couple things for me that attract my eye would be the saturated stripes at the end of the tail - those saturated oranges really pull my eye to them - possibly putting more saturated ones closer to the dinosaurs face or just desaturating the ones on the end of the tail would help keep that from being the focal point - the other is the girl's right hand - her fingers are all the same length and are in a closed fist - this makes it look like the toothbrush handle does not have any thickness at that point - one last thing might be the line near the end of the tail on the bottom side has a slight break to it and might bebe better as a smooth line - not sure though - anyways - it does look very nice!

          Portfolio: kevinlongueil.com
          https://www.instagram.com/kevinlongueil/

          Larissa Brown Marantz 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 1
          • Larissa Brown Marantz
            Larissa Brown Marantz @Kevin Longueil last edited by

            @Kevin-Longueil Good points! Thank you for mentioning it.

            IG: @larissadrawsstuff
            Twitter: @ocartstudios
            Blog: larissamarantz.blogspot.com

            1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
            • MOO
              MOO SVS OG last edited by

              Everyone elses suggestions were really good. I just want to say that I liek the composition. Very cute 🙂 It makes me think of my little grandson when I brush his teeth 🙂

              Marsha Ottum Owen

              1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
              • Nazuba
                Nazuba last edited by

                A lot has already been covered with previous feedbacks already!

                Some points that comes to my mind are these:

                • I learned it from you (the way you asked me questions in my post) that a bit more background story should always accompany posts like this. Is this girl dreaming? did she just bring a dino home one day? is she being secretive about it or her parents are out?
                • Does styling just for the sake of styling make sense? I'm not sure, but I love it lol!
                • To me, the lighting of the room looks like what you would normally have in an indoor bathroom whereas the room has no roof meaning sunlight is coming in? in that case the shadows could be adjusted more.
                • Maybe the mirror could have the dinosaurs reflection?

                https://www.dribbble.com/nazuba
                https://www.instagram.com/nazubahere/

                Larissa Brown Marantz 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                • amberwingart
                  amberwingart @Larissa Brown Marantz last edited by

                  @Larissa-Brown-Marantz It's looking awesome!! I agree with Kevin's suggestions about the minor tweaks, but otherwise it's looking great!

                  Facebook Page: http://www.facebook.com/amberwingart
                  Instagram: @savinafranciscoart
                  YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/amberwingart
                  Website: http://www.amberwingart.com
                  SVS Sketchbook: http://forum.svslearn.com/topic/915/savina-s-sketchbook-updated-2-13-16

                  1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                  • AllisonMisak
                    AllisonMisak last edited by

                    @Nazuba am I totally crazy? I completely just thought the ceiling was blue! Is there really not supposed to be a roof? lol

                    It really love this, even more with the small changes made. 🙂

                    https://www.instagram.com/allisonmisakart/

                    Larissa Brown Marantz 1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 1
                    • Jiří Kůs
                      Jiří Kůs last edited by

                      I like the rhytm of the lines. its like like waves. The problem I see that the tail leads my eye out of the image. Maybe something to lead the eye back? Maybe zoom out a bit? Just a feeling.

                      Also I would get rid of the line on arms and legs unless the dinosaur is a ghost and you can see through 🙂

                      Overall it works for me. Nice piece.

                      Follow me on
                      https://www.instagram.com/yiri_kus/
                      http://yirikus.tumblr.com/
                      https://www.facebook.com/yirikus/

                      1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 1
                      • evilrobot
                        evilrobot SVS OG @Larissa Brown Marantz last edited by

                        @Larissa-Brown-Marantz I love the characters and the idea. I also really like how you rendered the dinosaur with the exception of the lines that go through it's arm and leg. To me the perspective of the background is just too crazy the characters do not fit the perspective of the scene. I also think the characters could be moved a bit to to fill the scene better. I'd almost like to put the dinosaurs tail right in that top corner and angle it a bit more and move the girl just a bit more towards the center of the image. That would put her more in the point of interest in the bottom third of the image.

                        http://www.palacioillustration.com/

                        https://www.scbwi.org/illustrator-gallery/illustrator-detail/?illustrator_id=84142

                        https://www.pinterest.com/evilrobot2/pins/

                        https://twitter.com/MyEvilRobot

                        1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                        • Larissa Brown Marantz
                          Larissa Brown Marantz @AllisonMisak last edited by

                          @AllisonMisak No, you're not crazy. The ceiling is blue. 🙂

                          IG: @larissadrawsstuff
                          Twitter: @ocartstudios
                          Blog: larissamarantz.blogspot.com

                          1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
                          • Larissa Brown Marantz
                            Larissa Brown Marantz @Nazuba last edited by

                            @Nazuba AAAaahhhhhh.... you got me back. good one. Yes, I have to think about all of those things. I realized that I really have been approaching my art strictly from a design sense and have been neglecting the narrative part (ridiculous, I know) but strangely enough, the light bulb has been switched on in my brain and I'm looking back at a lot of my finished pieces and thinking of reworking them to make the narrative more interesting.
                            And I totally was lame and lazy and didn't add the dino's reflection in there. You caught me. I need to go back and add that.... sigh..."Pain is temporary, suck is forever"

                            @evilrobot thanks for your thoughts. I was trying to incorporate these intersecting lines in the design of my pieces.... I'm really into the Futurist art movement.... but it may or may not be the right place to do it. This is what I'm experimenting with stylistically. My main focus should be on the narrative and I've heard recently that you should only include what is essential for the story. So, I'm torn. I like it, but is it working or is it hindering? Your thoughts are that it's hindering. But to others, it's not. It's subjective. But if it's detracting from the main idea, then I should give it some thought as to whether or not I keep it. And I am intentionally tilting the perspective to give an off kilter feel. I could pull back from the scene a bit, too. Good point. I start these sketches in my sketchbook and they are always so cramped. I should start thinking about giving my characters a bit more breathing room and room to play with the focal point of my piece. So, yes, thank you for sharing your thoughts. It's been helpful. 🙂

                            IG: @larissadrawsstuff
                            Twitter: @ocartstudios
                            Blog: larissamarantz.blogspot.com

                            1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 1
                            • First post
                              Last post