critique - storytelling problem?

Jonas Zavacky

Thank you! @mellebluesworld that is good to hear I will post an update soon.

StudioLooong

@Jonas-Zavacky this is looking fantastic! A much stronger narrative!

shinjifujioka

I agree with @StudioLooong , you can imagine a story emerging from the image!

Jonas Zavacky

@shinjifujioka That is great to hear! I am glad you think so! Maybe later I can do a couple of illustrations following this one

Jonas Zavacky

Ok, I think this will be it for linework. anything that is bugging here? also, I see this as children illustration. Do you see this would fit in that world? I wanna really play out the colors, but I am not sure how the linework goes (I love doing it tho)

ShannonBiondi

@Jonas-Zavacky I think it looks great! Nothing jumping out at me that I feel should be changed. I'm wondering if maybe the big pine tree to the left of the house will cause composition problems once you add colour? But then again it probably won't if the values are different enough. Well done!

Jonas Zavacky

@ShannonBiondi thanks a lot! Yeah i will make sure it is separated enough - like in value sketch. Thanks for feedback again!

Susan Marks

@Jonas-Zavacky I've been away from the forums focusing on a class for the past week or so-so imagine my delight when checking in and seeing what you've done--when last I left off, I thought you were going to stick to your original idea and continue with the very sweet girl and bird. I know sometimes I don't want to go in the suggested directions--and then maybe after some time, I can hear the suggestions in a different way.

This rabbit running totally conveys the happiness to get home. The only suggestion I have might be to play around with cropping-and see if the image you have is/not the most successful. Right now, it feels 50/50--half of the action on the left, and half on the right. If you're interesting, you might find that shifting it to the left or to the right would push things off-balance and maybe up the energy even a bit more.

Jonas Zavacky

@Susan-Marks aaah thanks a lot for your kind words.

I tried to crop it, but I couldn't come up with something that would look better. :I Maybe i just don't see it. Maybe I will when I will come back to it in the evening.

Thanks a lot again and welcome back to the forum

shinjifujioka

I could totally see this as a children's book illustration. The difference in storytelling between this image and your earlier one in the thread is huge. Love the line work. The expression on the bunny is so good, as well as his running pose.

In regards to the 50/50 issue that @Susan-Marks brought up, I can kind of see that. I think a quick solution might be to just reshape the clouds so that they aren't 50/50. There is a large shape framing the rabbit, and another one framing the house. Maybe that is adding to the 50/50 feel.

I really like the piece!

Jonas Zavacky

@shinjifujioka Omg thanks a lot!

Yeah that might be it I will jump on the clouds when I am at home.

Appreciate the comment and I am happy you like it !!

This is so lovely and really suits childrens illustration! I love your composition I hope you do revisit your other illustration with the girl and the bird as it was so beautiful.
I personally preferred your first rabbit character with the short legs, to me he had more personality but that's only my opinion! Your rabbit character works really well too His face is just brilliant and your detail is beautiful!
I can't wait to see this in colour

Jonas Zavacky

@hannahmccaffery thank you!!! :smiling_face_with_open_mouth_smiling_eyes:

Yeah maybe I will.. I would like to see interaction between them, but in diferrent scene maybe. Haha yeah I see what you mean about the rabbit . But the current one was better fit for this imo.

Haha mee too color is not my strong avenue so I will fight with it before I will land on something showable.

Jonas Zavacky

So this might be it... the colors are laid and that is the final touch for me.

any comments on that before I call it done? I basically am, but I would like to hear some opinions on the colors first !!

anyways this whole process was really long so far and loved working on that and I am so thankful for every advice and comments I've got for it so far. It is a really supportive group here...

rabbit ilus.jpg

Coreyartus

Personally, I love those colors. It has an old-fashioned sense about it that hearkens back to old-school illustration and their printing processes back then--the texture/noise you've applied to the color is right on the money!! It really communicates a sense of elegant simplicity and straightforward storytelling somehow. I love it!! Gorgeous!!

Eli

@Jonas-Zavacky This really turned out great!! The colors, values and composition are really working for me and I love the sketchy, storybook style. Looks amazing

Susan Marks

@Jonas-Zavacky I love this. I’ll own that the style of this one is much more to my taste. I love the colors and the sketchy line work (I’m totally envious). But aside from that, this image much more tells a story than the earlier beautiful one. Score!

demotlj

I agree with what others have said — beautiful line work, and the colors are perfect with that style. It certainly conveys a story because of the feeling of anticipation you get from the character which makes me want to know where he’s been, and what good things are awaiting his arrival at that house. Wonderful work.

animatosoor

@Jonas-Zavacky Oh man, this is gorgeous, and it really is a vast improvement from the start! I can see it working beautifully in a children's book. Echoing the others: I would just keep all the sketchy lines in just as they are. They add a lot of character. The colours are working so well.

shinjifujioka

@Jonas-Zavacky Love it!