Rabbit Road Race - Rough Phase

[Rebecca Jensen]

Hello! This is my rough sketch for this month's Critique Arena prompt: Rabbit Road Race. I would love feedback on it before I develop it further! I'm open to whatever feedback at this stage, but in particular, I am wondering about:

• Do you see a story here?
• Is the composition clear, interesting, and serve the story?
• Does it "make sense"?*

*(To me, the large tandem of rabbits is blowing by the slower solo rabbit, causing the slower rabbit's ears to blow forward in their wake. Is that apparent?)

Also open to whatever other feedback you may have- thanks!

[Asyas_illos]

@Rebecca-Jensen I love the tandem bike!!! Great composition so far I dint notice the ears at first maybe have one blowing into his/face? It may become more apparent as you go along though. Nice work!

[Johanna Kim]

@Rebecca-Jensen Nice sketch. I see a comparison or contrast of the tandem bike rabbits versus the solo biker, but I think more storytelling would be good. What is it about the tandem rabbits that would bring more story here? Right now, they look pretty similar. How are they related? Are they a family? A pro team? I want to cheer for the solo rabbit. Perhaps he has a special feature on his bike or a lucky charm that will help him win? When you flesh out the details, you can totally add more story to this piece. Also, the way his ears fly forward from the force of their wind makes sense to me. Looking forward to seeing your piece develop. Keep going!

[kirsten-mcg]

This is reminding me of Bears on Wheels! I think it works well to have the solo rabbit's ears blowing forward. It helps us to notice how fast the tandem bike is traveling.

[Sarah VanDam]

Fun!! It does remind me of Bears on Wheels a bit, too. I think it’s enough story—pitting a cohort of identical, conforming bullies against one struggling misfit. But maybe Johanna has a point too. I’m not entirely sure myself if it needs more or not. I’m curious what you’re thinking about going for with the background considering your sketch. What are you aiming for in that regard?

[Griffin McPherson]

I think something that could be really comical is if you have hills in the background where you can still see the tandem bike continuing on into the distance

[Rebecca Jensen]

@Johanna-Kim Thanks for your feedback! I'm seeing now how the solo rabbit looks too similar in character design to the tandem rabbits. Perhaps a smaller, "cuter" rabbit with more endearing proportions would better contrast more "sleek" looking tandem rabbits with long limbs. I do want the tandem rabbits to look like a sleek pro team, with a very coordinated look. Hmm, I wonder if adding matching uniforms would get too detailed/cluttered... maybe little bike gloves (plus the helmet/glasses) would be enough. I'll try it in my next draft! Thanks again!

[Rebecca Jensen]

@kirsten-mcg Oo, good call out on Bears on Wheels! Glad the blowing ears are working for you too.

[Rebecca Jensen]

@Sarah-VanDam Thanks for your feedback! Character design certainly needs more attention here. At first I thought I wanted the solo rabbit to look similar to the tandem rabbits, so the only differences were that the tandem rabbits outnumbered the solo rabbit, and had a sleeker "pro" look about them. However, I'm thinking now that I should probably push more personality differences between them, so the solo rabbit (and their bike!) is decidedly NOT as sleek as the tandem rabbits.

Re: the environment- I had this idea that there'd be blurring trees everywhere except around the solo rabbit (where you can see more details of the trees), to emphasize that the tandem rabbits are blurring by, but the solo rabbit is "standing still" in comparison. I'm not sure if it'll really come across though... will have to develop it further to see!

Thanks!

[Rebecca Jensen]

@Griffin Haha! I did consider having the tandem just run off the page so you couldn't see the end at all, but I love your idea of having it continue into the distance! Part of the 'joke' is supposed to be how rabbits reproduce like crazy, so that fits right into that!

[kirsten-mcg]

@Rebecca-Jensen You could make the solo bunny a little pudgy, like he decided to enter the race on a whim without training, while the tandem racers are all slick and fit looking. Or maybe the solo biker is on a pieced-together redneck type bike and his clothes are sort of scruffy? Just ideas to play around with.

[jenn]

@Rebecca-Jensen the bullies could be so absorbed in their bullying that they don't see a rock in the road or something

[Rebecca Jensen]

This post is deleted!

[Rebecca Jensen]

Thanks all for the feedback so far!

I gave my characters some more distinctive personality and tweaked the story so that the slower cyclist is in awe of the speedy team. I think this could work, but as I get into details, it's feeling a bit stiff for something that's supposed to be about speed. So I did a quick rough to try to crank it up, and I like the rough, but I abandoned the tandem idea.

So, what do you think? Should I shoehorn the rest of the tandem team into the more energetic sketch? Or does that clutter the story or composition?

Thanks!

[Rebecca Jensen]

I fleshed out the new sketch a bit, and I prefer these character designs.

The composition feels more symmetrical now (each character roughly centered on each half of the page), which isn't usually something I'd go for, but I think it might work here, where there is direct comparison being made between two characters. What do you think?

Thanks!