WIP Rabbit Road Race - feedback please
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Sharing a last minute sketch for this month's contest. This has been through multiple iterations as I worked through the storytelling. If you see anything troublesome with the details, composition, or storytelling, please let me know. Thanks in advance:)
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@Johanna-Kim My big question is – which could totally get answered in coloring – does the red on the track marks indicate speed?
I ask because that's how I initially read it, but, upon taking in the full image, I now read it as the tortoise took his time and was able to navigate the peels and carrots. Meanwhile, the speeding bunnies were all sent flying out of control into the water. Is that correct?
If so, I love the story and it reads correct. It's just the sketch red initially threw me off.
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@KevinTreaccar Thanks for your question. The red actually is for me to be able to see the path of the turtle, as opposed to the other competitors. It doesn't indicate speed at all, just its car tracks. I'm glad you seem to understand my concept.
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I think this is going to be an awesome piece, Johanna! I really like how you've divided the storytelling into 3 distinct zones (hill, water, and closeup on bridge). It's really working.
My question is about the carrot-throwing. I can understand the cars slipping on the banana peels (a la Mario Kart) but I don't have any context for what a carrot would do to a racecar, good or bad.
Also, is the tortoise in disguise as a bunny?
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@Valerie-Light Thanks for your questions! Yeah, the carrots are a bit of a stretch, but I imagined how I might drive differently if there were suddenly rocks or hail falling on my car. I'd probably drive faster or more erratically to avoid them. Obviously, I just wanted a silly excuse to throw carrots:) Probably because I don't like eating them myself. And yes, the tortoise is disguised as a bunny.
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I love the composition and storytelling going on, as well as the overall concept of the tortoise and the hare taken to the next level. So many things making it so successful. As far as the carrots, maybe they could stick out of the ground like they are speed bumps.
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@Johanna-Kim I think your composition is great and the story is intriguing!
There are just a few points of confusion or ambiguity that I think you could handle during the rendering phase. On my first glance it wasn't clear to me how or why all the rabbit racers had fallen into the river. I think with some motion lines + appropriate contrast, or having one of the racers more obviously driving off the road， that could be made clearer.
Also I didn't quite get the tortoise disguised as a rabbit part. Why is it disguised? Why did it end up winning? Other than the Aesop fable reference, I can't tell from your picture alone how the tortoise racer avoided falling into the river along with all the other rabbits. It doesn't seem to be the one throwing banana peels and carrots too so I guess it's just extremely skillful and lucky? I don't really have concrete suggestions on how to handle this but I just feel it's kind of a logical hole in the story that needs to be plugged somehow (the red lines alone don't really do it for me).
Looking forward to see your finished piece!
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@JQ That's a good point! At first I thought the tortoise was the one throwing the banana skins, etc, but you're right, looking at him again, he isn't.
I think Johanna gave a clue by including the "slow" sign, and you can see the bunnies on the hillside throwing the food (maybe they're mad about the race over their burrows??). Haha! It gets more and more interesting the more I look at it.
But I agree with @JQ - there are a lot of unanswered questions here. I think things might become more obvious if the tortoise LOOKS like a tortoise (I actually thought it was a bunny at first), and if you make it clear he's going verrrryyyy sloowwwwly (maybe make his car look very heavy and weighed down?).
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@Johanna-Kim i really like the concept and storytelling. At first glance though (to me) it feels a little busy, but at the same time it’s fun to pick through and find details, like the carrot stuck to the tire of tortoises car. I’m sure that the busy-ness can be handled with appropriate rendering and color choices. Also the composition is beautiful I love the dip into the big swooping bridge. I can’t wait to see how it develops!
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@Asyas_illos Yes, it IS busy. Seems to be my tendency, though I'm really trying to be more simple with my concepts. Thanks for the notes.
@Meekipink and @JQ Thanks for pointing out all the holes in my storytelling. I may omit the rabbit disguise. My intention was that the tortoise was joining a rabbit-only road race, so it had to wear a disguise. And it wins because it slowly drives down the steep hill, avoiding most of the obstacles. Meanwhile, the other drivers speed along and miss the final turn before the finish line. The rabbits throwing bananas and carrots are part of the race, adding to the challenge. But I kind've like the idea that they might be pissed off by this race happening in their backyard. Good thing I still have some time to resolve the issues you mentioned.
@jenn Love your idea for carrot speed bumps. Thank you. I'll try it out and see how it looks. Otherwise, I might omit the carrots altogether.
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@Johanna-Kim Thought I'd share my progress. Among the many revisions, changed the composition to give the feeling of the tortoise moving slowly, omitted the red tracks and left green dots to indicate his past movement, and added carrot speed bumps. Any additional notes, good and bad, are most welcome.
