Wip moment before feedback on ideas

marine

Hi guys,

So this is my first time asking for feedback here and I have to say it’s very intimidating because I see so many great art shared, and the little voice in my head is saying ‘is it worth showing your stuff?’
Anyway I would really appreciate your honest feedbacks!

To say the least, I’m way out of my confort zone with the subject because I don’t usually do that much of a narrative. Are any of those ideas interesting enough? (Please ignore my sketching style :smiling_face_with_open_mouth_cold_sweat: )

Here is my thumbnails from favourite to least favourite :

1- Troublemakers. Dry garden discovery day, each kid as a balloon attached to his/her backpack and some cacti are very playful...

2- Airport. Waiting for the loved one. I feel this one is lacking on a twist unless the other people waiting are not regular people but I don't have much of a story for now.

3- Waiting for his master to come home. Again I feel it's missing a twist and I can't see how to show the excitement of the dog beside that the apartment is upside-down.

4- Rain dance. Not much tension here, just a bit of magic with a golden spirit flying around the dancer.

Again, I'm very new to building stories so any feedback will be much appreciated!
Many thanks!

burvantill

The cactus pic and the waiting dog are my favorites. I think the cactus pic is a little spread out though. Maybe you could focus a bit on the trouble makers (kids and cactus) by zooming in and losing a couple people on the right. Or moving those extras closer to the trouble makers.
The waiting dog has great potential for some crazy background elements.

marine

@burvantill Thank you for your great feedback! Yes I see what you mean about the Cactus pic being spread out. I'll try to fix that.
You're right about the waiting dog, I could go crazy on the apartment situation and with this one I wouldn't have to draw people which I usually avoid to do so!

Chip Valecek

I like the second one, if you flip the plane to be landing vs taking off it has a story to it. You could really push the expression of excitement on their faces.

marine

@Chip-Valecek Thank you for your feedback!
True about the plane!
Yes drawing face expression is definitely not a strong skill of mine...
Do you say they should be all excited? Because I wanted the girl and her dog to stand out.
Otherwise I was thinking maybe the story could be happening on an undefined planet and so the other people are not real people but then I'm making things even more complicated for myself if I need to develop all those characters...

marine

Following @burvantill 's feedback I have made quick changes on the Troublemakers one :

Chip Valecek

@marine I don't think you need to show expressions on all of their faces, but if you keep the girl and dog in the light and the rest in the background with a darker tone it would really pop.

Heather Boyd

@marine First off I like your "sketchy style" roughs -it helped grab my attention esp seeing your first work! I like the excitement in your first work- feels like a memory I would hold on to. Play with where those balloons are -maybe bring 1-2 close to the foreground if that works in your sketch.

I like the tension in the airport one. To push the story maybe she is alone and her other has run late and she is waiting all day/night for their return -then you can really work her expression.

I like the dog waiting for what it looks like his eagerness for a walk. Without changing to much of the composition maybe bring the camera angle down -I am thinking like jump into his arms kind of feel. That and maybe the door has only a window near the top for the dog to know he's come home and if the angle is low enough the owner doesn't realise their dog is there.

Number 4 the rain dance feels like it's happening in the moment and not before it. I would work on your story or create a story to get to that "Moment Before".

But thank you for sharing It has paid off for you and for us.

marine

@Heather-Boyd Thank you a lot! So great to hear all those awesome feedbacks!

True the cactus pic lacks of "depth". I'll try to bring some characters close to the foreground.

Airport pic : such a great story! Then I can let go of the other people (as I don't usually draw people ) and so she might go through excitement mixed with worry. No clue how I could render that though hahaha!!

Dog pic, thanks you're right more dynamism in the comp could help a lot to convey more emotions.

And I think I'll leave n°4 behind for now.

Thanks again for your great input!

braden H

@marine All neat ideas!

My vote is for #3. I think it'll be the easiest to bring to finish and has the strongest composition value-wise. It works really well with the dark silhouette through the glass door (you could pose the person to show fatigue after a long day, perhaps?) and the dark dog shape on the patch of light. Works really REALLY well.

I'll be interested to follow this one along

marine

@Braden-Hallett Many thanks!
Yes n°3 might work best with modifications advised and important point I won't have to draw a human face! hahaha! (not very brave of me )
I'll try to do another round of sketches quickly because then, getting into details and rendering is going to be a tough and long job!

bnewman

@marine Hi there, just jumping in to say I like no. 3 the best as well.

Erin.Cortese

I really like #3, great sense of anticipation!

Elizabeth Rose

I like the #1 a lot, its so funny, I love the expressions on the balloons. I also like #3 really well too. Its something everyone with a dog can relate too. It's sweet and makes me grin inside.

I really like your sketch style, your sketches get the idea across well. I love the flow and movement. You go!

I'm excited to see the progress

marine

@bnewman @ErinCortese @Squirrelsize Thanks a lot!
Yes seems n°3 works best, now onto refining the sketch...

marine

So I've worked on the n°3, the dog waiting, and here are a few new sketches.

N°1 is the original one
N°2, I changed the perspective point
N°3 an n°4, I've tried a paysage format with more of the dog's mess but I feel like the action is lost in too many details.

So I think n°2 is the best, as the master's shadow and the dog in the light make more sense to the action. Maybe the dog is not sure if it's going to be a walk or a punishment for the mess...

What do you think?

Thanks!

Erin.Cortese

@marine I love #2! Would like to see how the dog from number 1 works with comp #2. I think dog 1 communicates a little more clearly, it almost looks like dog 2 is tangled in his leash.

Heather Boyd

@marine

I like #3 the best with the dog's gesture and the rose off its base -but I find the rest of the scene busy. I like how the "mess" is in the foreground with the dog and the background lends more to the order of the owner. But I would avoid leaving the furniture to the right and left cut in half -I'd like to see more of the couch. I like #2 because it is an easy read.

Elizabeth Rose

Wow! those are all good. I really like #3. It seems to show more personality from the dog and the composition is more dynamic. My second is #2. because its simple and portrays the idea clearly.

Heather Bouteneff

I love the layout of 2 but I can almost see the wiggle butt in 3 and I love that, even though the place is a mess the dog is just like MY FRIEND IS HOME it's great