WIP spreads for a story, critique requested :-)

  • Spread 1 feels quieter and more intimate. Spread 2 feels grander and more magical. It reminds me very much of Peter Pan and the flying pirate ship. These are both amazing in their own way.

  • Thank you so much, everyone for given me such a insightful feedback. I tried to bring a bit more connection between father and son in the second image, so this is what I end up. It is a moment before father throw the star into the sky. He looks at the son and asking "are we ready?". I also rearranged the stars a bit to show that they are actually hanging the star instead of catching them (you see more stars behind the boat.)

    Let me know what do you think?
    Are there any compostion issues? do you think the buildings and the crowds on the roof-top distracting in this version?
    Star_Maker_02_V2 3.jpg

  • @xin-li Hi Xin Li. Wonderful!

    The homes are toned down and the peoples’ silhouettes looking up in awe make a wonderful connection in this special moment. And of course the father and son looking at each other is nice.

    About the stars, I thought the stars were falling off the boat leaving a wake of stars.

  • @xin-li Your revised version is definitely showing a much stronger connection between the father and son. I think the rooftops are also sketched out very well now.
    Though I'm not sure if it's still clear that they are hanging the stars instead of collecting them. The only thing working in favor of that is that there are more stars behind them i.e the path they've already sailed. Although the stars on the right look nice compositionally, the "hanging stars" story would be stronger if the sky was starless in front of the boat and all the rooftop people could be pointing up at the starry part of the sky.

    Also, the wind direction of the sail and the smoke from the chimneys show that it's blowing backward, but the boat is moving forward? Is that correct?

  • @Neha-Rawat good catch with the wind direction. Hehe. I have not thought about it, only thought about composition in abstract shapes :-). The text of the manuscript told clearly that they make stars. So I will leave it for now, and would think more of it if I get to work on teh entire book :-). Right now, I am doing a piece to show the direction.

  • @xin-li The sail is the same size as the father and I think it should be on the same axis as the two of them, coming up at the same angle. I know it is fantasy, but I think that's why enlarging the father and son has somehow made the boat less convincing.

  • @carolinebautista hmm. interesting. I will try to make the character a bit smaller. I think I have a tendency to make the character too small, and now I am overding it by making it too big :-).

  • @xin-li I think the sail and pole can go out of the frame, so I was thinking to make the sail bigger (at least at first, because i like the bigger size of the characters).

  • @xin-li I like the new composition! There feels like more of a connection between the father and son. I also like the scale of the characters, I don't think I would make them any smaller.
    I'm not sure if I would understand right away that they were hanging stars, but I'm sure that if we had all the other pages and text that it would make sense in the context of the story anyway so I wouldn't worry too much about that.

  • @xin-li I really like it. Personally I would have maybe just a couple of figures looking up at the boat (maybe a mother + daughter?) But I think this depends where in the story this moment is- if its at the end more of a crowd could work, picks up the drama. If it is more of an introductory scene I say have less figures, keep the focus on father/son

    The buildings look great. The sail reminds me of a crescent moon, don't know if this was intentional, i think it's a charming detail πŸ™Œ

  • @carolinebautista, @eriberart, thank you so much for the input. I tweaked a bit on the size relation, it looks better now :-).

    @Mr-Kite I want to the crowd to focus on the stars :-). I am so glad you notice the shape of the sail. Yes, it was intentional πŸ™‚

  • @xin-li I didn't realize the sail was the moon, lovely! But I'm sure that once it's rendered, it will be clear, as will the way they hang the starts. I hope you can post the final image at some point soon. I am so curious about the manuscript and how the two images you started with relate to different parts of the text. Thanks for sharing all of this, it's always fun. πŸ™‚

  • Hello, everyone.
    Thank you so much for the constructive critiques, and encouragement. I proceeded with the painting this week. Here is what I have so far. I have got the deadline for this on monday. Feedback and critiques are much appreciated.

    @carolinebautista I am not sure what I can share regarding the manuscript yet. Maybe later in the process πŸ™‚

    Note: I am still working on the stars. There is a specific description in the text about the stars, which I have not figure out how to do them yet.Star_Maker_color-09.jpg

  • Looking amazing! I love the colours you have chosen so far. I would maybe add one more accent colour to draw your eye to the father and son, eg maybe their tops could have a touch of a pink/red/orangey warmth instead of yellow. Not sure how it would look against the purple background, the yellow might work better in the end 😁

  • It's so lovely, pleased you decided to go with this one. There's such a nice magical 'mary poppins' feel to the skyline and you can feel the bond between the man and boy nicely.

  • @xin-li it's beautiful!

  • @xin-li So beautiful!

  • @xin-li It's beautiful! I know that since you haven't quite figured out the stars this may not help, but if the boy and his father are hanging the stars, maybe the star that is closest can be connected to a trail of stars all throughout the sky? Otherwise the closest star seems to be in a spot they haven't visited yet. The trail can arc through the spread, and swish around to suggest water, and then you'll get the size variation along with the movement of the boat. I also like the patchwork (i think it's quilted with buttons, is that right?) feel you have to the sail and stars, so maybe pieces of dark sky can be hanging all around, like fabric, for attaching the stars. They don't feel like they have weight right now because they feel sewn.

    I love the cityscape and all the people watching the sky. ❀

    I'm a bit nosy about the text, sorry πŸ™‚

  • @eriberart I am fine tuning the color now. Will try out your suggestions πŸ™‚

    @Rachel-Horne , @Coley , @Mara-Price thank you so much

    @carolinebautista thank you for your feedback. I see what you mean. But for the story reasons, I am going to keep the sky as it is. There is something about the wind direction that may contribute to the disbelieve of this scene. I will investigate this later as I ran out of time to do a big change that at this moment :-).

  • @xin-li Woah, the color really brought this piece to life! I'm loving the composition as well! Great illustration πŸ™‚

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