Feedback Welcomed - Sequential Work for my Website!

NessIllustration

@Michael-Angelo-Go How pretty! This is a step above your other work, Michael! Try to add a bit more contrast to improve readability! For instance,the little girl's hair darker to distinguish it more from her hair. You could also move around the foliage in the window a little bit so the mom's head clearly pops out against the sky

Michael Angelo Go

@NessIllustration Oh I forgot to mention I'm not done. I'll add an update later today! I didn't add the fan as you can see.

Michael Angelo Go

@Nyrryl-Cadiz @NessIllustration

I just finished rendering the scene. I added some motion blur, but I'm worried it might be overkill. Should I add some blur, no blur, or only a little bit of in-between? Let me know what you all think!

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NessIllustration

@Michael-Angelo-Go I prefer without, it just looks nice and crisp This is probably my favorite piece of yours ever! I love the limited color palette and the emotions. I do think you could push your blacks a bit more black to make the contrast sharper though!

NessIllustration

@Michael-Angelo-Go Like so?

Nyrryl Cadiz

@NessIllustration no blur and perhaps increase the value contrast.

Michael Angelo Go

My next drawing.

Michael Angelo Go

@Nyrryl-Cadiz

I darkened the values, but now I'm thinking maybe the mother's shirt sticks out too much because it's a little saturated.

Michael Angelo Go

@Michael-Angelo-Go

Subtle but feels much better.

Michael Angelo Go

Progress you guys!

Michael Angelo Go

Michael Angelo Go

Michael Angelo Go

This one's taking a little while to render.

Michael Angelo Go

Michael Angelo Go

That's all for tonight folks. Goodnight. I know the lighting's really ....eh but I'll fix it's still a wip.

Michael Angelo Go

Okay, I'm finished with this second piece. I'll be honest, I hated drawing this because there were so many characters on this page and the lighting was pretty complex! I'm also worried that the composition isn't great. It's not as strong as the first thing I drew.

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I made two drawings, one with blur.

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And one without. To be honest, I think I'm okay without blur on this one.

@Nyrryl-Cadiz @NessIllustration do you see any areas for improvement? It's kind of busy.

NessIllustration

@Michael-Angelo-Go It's well rendered! I much prefer the one without blur though. I think her head is too big compared to her other body proportions (and compared to her classmates). Her eyes are also much too big for her head compared to the other kids, and it makes it look wrong as if you're stepping out of the rules established by your own style. In general though the piece looks great on a technical standpoint, but makes me feel uneasy on the subject matter.

While bullying and getting laughed at are common themes for children's books, your portrayal of it is incredibly intense and would maybe even be traumatic for kids (especially ones that have experienced bullying in their own lives). I'm hesitating to say that you shouldn't show this - I don't think any subject should be off limits - and that's why I didn't say anything when I first saw the sketch, but it made me uneasy then and it makes me uneasy now. Now that I've had a bit more time to think about why that is, I think this wouldn't gain you any points with an art director that might feel this is way too intense for kids. In children's books, difficult topics have to be approached delicately, empathically, and in an age appropriate way. For instance, books about bullying often focus of the depiction of the feelings of isolation and hopelessness. I feel like outright showing a nightmare trauma scene is just a bit much for kids, and this piece may show art directors that you're kind of heavy-handed and lack subtlety with difficult topics. Does that make sense?

Melissa_Bailey

@Michael-Angelo-Go nice concept. SO MUCH emotion in this piece!

Do have a question, though. What is the intended focal point of this illustration?

When I look at it, because the photo dominates (it literally takes up 1/3 of the canvas) and because it's such a dark value and because of the rays of light, that is the focal point.

But did you mention that the little girl is actually the main character? For me, even though she's rendered in a deeper value with all that dark hair, she doesn't really stand out -- 1) the photo dominates, and 2) her color palette is so muted she fades into the background. Just wondering if part of the reason she's so hard to read is that very strong backlighting -- she's standing in front of Mom so she's totally in shadow...

One other thing that I found difficult to read is the expressions on Mom & Daughter's faces, Daughter's features are especially hard for me to see. While their closed eyes and tiny smiles are so sweet, what are they feeling? Are they sharing a Mommy-Daughter bonding moment? Are they happy about something? Are they sharing memories about Dad? Are they missing Dad and finding comfort in each other? Would opening their eyes give us better insight into how they're feeling?

Hope I'm not being too nitpicky here. It's not my intention to discourage, but to encourage and share my thoughts -- take them or leave them, it's totally up to you! It's so exciting to see your new portfolio take shape!

Melissa_Bailey

@Michael-Angelo-Go this is a very intense piece, and I agree with everything @NessIllustration says!

Want to point out a major problem area in this composition for me: the finger pointing at the main character, coming from the upper left of the composition. For 2 reasons:

It's very, very easy for finger pointing to be misconstrued, as it is seen as incredibly rude. Yes, you're looking to illustrate rude behavior, but is it too close to (or even crossing) the line?
It looks ... phallic. Definitely don't want any viewers to mistakenly think that it's NOT a finger!

As far as how you might adjust this piece so it is less intense for an art director or anyone viewing your portfolio, here are a few suggestions:

Tone down the trauma in the main character's expression. What if she's not clutching her head? What if she's not crying puddles onto her desk, but welling up with tears instead? What other emotions would a bullied character be feeling, other than intense grief or trauma?
Do ALL the background characters need to be bullies? What if only one or two were the perpetrators? Or one or two were laughing/going along with the bullies but not really participating? What if some students stood up against the bullies and were actually empathetic and supportive? That would be a less traumatic-feeling scene and would show a range of emotions, of acceptable and unacceptable behaviors.

As always, whatever you choose to adjust/not adjust and wherever you choose to take this piece is totally up to you!