Feedback Welcomed - Sequential Work for my Website!
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I darkened the values, but now I'm thinking maybe the mother's shirt sticks out too much because it's a little saturated.
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Subtle but feels much better.
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Progress you guys!
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This one's taking a little while to render.
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That's all for tonight folks. Goodnight. I know the lighting's really ....eh but I'll fix it's still a wip.
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Okay, I'm finished with this second piece. I'll be honest, I hated drawing this because there were so many characters on this page and the lighting was pretty complex! I'm also worried that the composition isn't great. It's not as strong as the first thing I drew.
I made two drawings, one with blur.
And one without. To be honest, I think I'm okay without blur on this one.
@Nyrryl-Cadiz @NessIllustration do you see any areas for improvement? It's kind of busy.
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@Michael-Angelo-Go It's well rendered! I much prefer the one without blur though. I think her head is too big compared to her other body proportions (and compared to her classmates). Her eyes are also much too big for her head compared to the other kids, and it makes it look wrong as if you're stepping out of the rules established by your own style. In general though the piece looks great on a technical standpoint, but makes me feel uneasy on the subject matter.
While bullying and getting laughed at are common themes for children's books, your portrayal of it is incredibly intense and would maybe even be traumatic for kids (especially ones that have experienced bullying in their own lives). I'm hesitating to say that you shouldn't show this - I don't think any subject should be off limits - and that's why I didn't say anything when I first saw the sketch, but it made me uneasy then and it makes me uneasy now. Now that I've had a bit more time to think about why that is, I think this wouldn't gain you any points with an art director that might feel this is way too intense for kids. In children's books, difficult topics have to be approached delicately, empathically, and in an age appropriate way. For instance, books about bullying often focus of the depiction of the feelings of isolation and hopelessness. I feel like outright showing a nightmare trauma scene is just a bit much for kids, and this piece may show art directors that you're kind of heavy-handed and lack subtlety with difficult topics. Does that make sense?
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@Michael-Angelo-Go nice concept. SO MUCH emotion in this piece!
Do have a question, though. What is the intended focal point of this illustration?
When I look at it, because the photo dominates (it literally takes up 1/3 of the canvas) and because it's such a dark value and because of the rays of light, that is the focal point.
But did you mention that the little girl is actually the main character? For me, even though she's rendered in a deeper value with all that dark hair, she doesn't really stand out -- 1) the photo dominates, and 2) her color palette is so muted she fades into the background. Just wondering if part of the reason she's so hard to read is that very strong backlighting -- she's standing in front of Mom so she's totally in shadow...
One other thing that I found difficult to read is the expressions on Mom & Daughter's faces, Daughter's features are especially hard for me to see. While their closed eyes and tiny smiles are so sweet, what are they feeling? Are they sharing a Mommy-Daughter bonding moment? Are they happy about something? Are they sharing memories about Dad? Are they missing Dad and finding comfort in each other? Would opening their eyes give us better insight into how they're feeling?
Hope I'm not being too nitpicky here. It's not my intention to discourage, but to encourage and share my thoughts -- take them or leave them, it's totally up to you! It's so exciting to see your new portfolio take shape!
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@Michael-Angelo-Go this is a very intense piece, and I agree with everything @NessIllustration says!
Want to point out a major problem area in this composition for me: the finger pointing at the main character, coming from the upper left of the composition. For 2 reasons:
- It's very, very easy for finger pointing to be misconstrued, as it is seen as incredibly rude. Yes, you're looking to illustrate rude behavior, but is it too close to (or even crossing) the line?
- It looks ... phallic. Definitely don't want any viewers to mistakenly think that it's NOT a finger!
As far as how you might adjust this piece so it is less intense for an art director or anyone viewing your portfolio, here are a few suggestions:
- Tone down the trauma in the main character's expression. What if she's not clutching her head? What if she's not crying puddles onto her desk, but welling up with tears instead? What other emotions would a bullied character be feeling, other than intense grief or trauma?
- Do ALL the background characters need to be bullies? What if only one or two were the perpetrators? Or one or two were laughing/going along with the bullies but not really participating? What if some students stood up against the bullies and were actually empathetic and supportive? That would be a less traumatic-feeling scene and would show a range of emotions, of acceptable and unacceptable behaviors.
As always, whatever you choose to adjust/not adjust and wherever you choose to take this piece is totally up to you!
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@NessIllustration Hello Ness, thank you so much for sharing your perspective.
This might get personal, so hold on for the ride. I did not really take into consideration that perhaps this scene is too intense. I think that's because of multiple factors in my life. 1. I see bullying as a commonly picked up theme in animation, and it's really straightforward. I mean I guess in most situations, it's downplayed as slapstick where later the underdog gets their justice (just like the little girl is about to get her justice with these bullies). 2. I myself am a victim and survivor of constant harassment, bullying, and even racism when I was younger, so when I see depictions of abuse at this level, to me it depicts an accurate truth. Does talking about trigger me? Yes, it used to, until I went to therapy but perhaps... I should consider the perspective of those not only of children but also people who have yet to come to terms with their own abuse aka bullying.
So what exactly is happening in this scene? A little girl named 'Maganda' (which in Tagalog means beautiful) is being discouraged from entering a beauty pageant at her school because of her dark skin. Both the teacher and her peers collectively tell her she's too ugly to enter the pageant and that her dreams of winning are slim. It's meant to highlight a very true and real issue in my home country of the Philippines, where people with fair skin much like mine are considered the ideal beauty. For context, the Philippines is an ultra-classist society. I know that in Western societies like America where I have lived in for most of my life can also be pretty classist with it's unfair treatment of POC and lower-income families, but in the PH it's so open, unsubtle, and maybe even perhaps proud of its classist attitudes.
My main inspiration for this story was from a documentary I saw called "Left by the Ship" that highlighted the struggles of Filipino Amerasians, especially those who were half-Black. I felt incredible empathy for these children who never met their fathers, grew up in situations of poverty and experienced a crises in their own identities. My ex was also a Filipino Amerasian born from this specific event, but they were half-white not half-black.
My goal for this story is to perhaps not only address the very real trauma of colorism/racism in the Philippines but to inspire success. Maganda starts out discouraged, but by the end wins the beauty pageant everyone but her mother told her she never would. She learns how to break boundaries and grows up to be successful. I plan on revealing in the end that Maganda is now a successful adults and is still very close to her mother now in old age who loves her unconditionally.
But as I digress, is this something I can keep in the book if I ever decide on self-publishing it? How would you approach a scene where a little girl is being mocked by both her peers and her teacher? Or would that be waters you would never dare tread? I just wanted to talk about very real issues I personally feel strongly about. Again, I guess the reason subtley is not my forte because of how desenstized I am from my own traumas. I'm really sorry the piece comes across as mean-spirited.
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@Michael-Angelo-Go I'm very sorry that you've been a victim of bullying yourself, Michael. I agree with you that your depiction is realistic, but that's not really the issue here... The depiction is just a bit too intense for a picture book, in my opinion. We do often see more intense bullying in animation, true, but you have to remember the average target market for animation is also older. For picture books, it's in the 2-6 years old range. As you say, the tone of bullying in animation is also often much lighter. The bullied kids look sad, angry or helpless, but like they'll be ok. I think the big difference is is your character doesn't look just sad or isolated, she looks like she's in very extreme psychological distress. And that's just a little bit too intense for 3-4 year old kids, realistic or no.. I agree with @Melissa-Bailey-0 's suggestions: if you removed the finger and make the girl look sad and embarrassed (rather than crying puddles and scarred for life) it would help a lot in making the piece less traumatic. It would also make more sense with the story you're trying to tell: as discouraging, racist and sad it is to get told you shouldn't enter a pageant because you won't win, I don't think it necessarily would create the amount of extreme distress you're depicting. I also think one of the things that bother me most about it is that with the desks facing us, the person pointing the finger would be the teacher which makes your piece not just about bullying but implies child abuse and adults joining in the cruelty, which is really distressing and also a dangerous message. In a children's book, you want to encourage kids to talk to adults about the bullying. And even if in your story the teacher is one of the people telling her she won't win, I should would hope the teacher would stop their "helpful advice" when the child is crying and looking this distressed. I think you're taking it too far, and you can tell the story of Maganda better if you're not this extreme with the depictions, especially considering your audience.
To recap, if you adjust her expression to sad and discouraged (but remove the puddles of tears and grabbing her head in distress) and remove the finger, I think this piece would be good to go.
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Hello @NessIllustration, I made three iterations. Regarding her head size, I think it's pretty proportional in the original. She's leaning forward so her head should appear to be much bigger and her body smaller in comparison. If you notice, her body gets narrower downward from her shoulders. But in these sketches, she's just sitting up straight.
Imagine in all these scenarios the teacher is not taking the lead in the bullying. Instead it's just Maganda reacting to her surroundings.
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@Michael-Angelo-Go I think all 3 work! Whichever you prefer As for the size of the head though, the perspective of the desk and the classroom doesn't suggest that you can get this drastic of a head size just from her leaning over. It is not an extreme perspective, you know? There's no angle she can lean forward, in this position sitting at her desk, that would result in such a drastic change to the size of her head.
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Hey @NessIllustration I just recovered just from burnout. Here's what I ended up making.
Now that I reflect on my decision making. Another reason that the original image was so extreme was because this piece is also meant to show I can convey emotion in a non-stiff way. She's kind of stiff now, but now she doesn't look traumatized.
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I'm trying something new! This is for my next set of sequential work with the plushie character of my cousin.
I have a Bachelor's Degree in architecture and I use Rhino. Rhino is a 3D software very similar to Google SketchUp except a lot more complex and less user-friendly. For this scene, I am rendering a life-sized hot wheels race track, where my cousin is on a toy go-cart similar to the ones from the Mario kart games competing with other players.
My idea for him is that he's going to be riding several different vehicles (race car, helicopter, and submarine). The idea here is that he's playing with toysized version of these things, and imagining himself actually in them.
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