WIP, I feel like it’s missing something, Critiques always welcome!

theprairiefox · 26 Mar 2020, 21:58

I like the design and mystery. But I would say that the character is blending in too much. I didn't read it very quickly.

I wonder if you lightened him/her if they would pop better?

phoenix yip · 26 Mar 2020, 22:10

Oh, ok thanks! Which character?

phoenix yip · 26 Mar 2020, 22:13

@theprairiefox which character are you talking about?

TessaW · 26 Mar 2020, 22:31

Super cool and interesting scene! I really like your style. Pleas feel free to ignore my critique/paintover. Since it's such a busy scene, but there's some action going on it, i'd recommend contrasting it a little more in the areas where your characters are. My paintover is quite messy, but hopefully you can see what I'm getting at.

theprairiefox · 26 Mar 2020, 22:28

@phoenix-yip I was talking about the one on the ground.

But, I guess I am talking about all of them.

I didn't notice the rat at all.

And initially, I thought the one in the tunnel was just part of the tunnel.

You might want to think about using your values to draw the viewer to the most important things.

For example, you could have the tunnel character 1/2 in the light on a very dark background. High value shifts cause the viewer to look at a place in the image.

Here is your image in B/W:

In the image, the highest value switch is between the light beams and the pipes. Probably not the most important thing in the image. The character on the ground has the 2nd highest value differential but your other character blend into the background.

Just my thoughts, I always work with value first so that is some typical advise I give.

theprairiefox · 26 Mar 2020, 22:30

@phoenix-yip or you could ignore my last post and do what @TessaW did... she was much more succinct.

Casual-T · 26 Mar 2020, 22:48

Great scene!! I'm really digging the critter hiding in the shadows, in the bottom left corner... Brightening the scene overall, and adding contrast in the values, as per @TessaW's suggestion, definitely helps the readability a lot.

PS: It looks like there's a pink fish floating just in front of the right character's left foot.

phoenix yip · 26 Mar 2020, 23:30

@theprairiefox yeah that’s great advice! Super helpful, thanks!

phoenix yip · 26 Mar 2020, 23:33

@TessaW Yep! Thanks for taking the time to do that, I think yours looks way better than mine , this is so helpful!

phoenix yip · 27 Mar 2020, 00:01

@TessaW
How’s this?

Gary Wilkinson · 27 Mar 2020, 02:19

Lovely work, but at the moment everything still feels too busy and all my attention is drawn to the detail on the wall when it should be on the characters and situation of the scene.

In terms of the story, I would read it this scene as the spaceman (?) is injured and an unknown character has entered the scene, who appears to be hostile, but is actually there to help him. I like how you have done the lighting, however because the environment has so much detail I think it detracts from the impact of the painting. I hope you don't mind but I did a quick paintover that puts the main light behind the mysterious character casting a shadow towards the spaceman, it's nothing super original, but iI think it would lead the viewers eye and make the scene more tense. You could also add a second light behind the spaceman to brighten some of the environment up and would give you the chance to play with warm/cool colors (unless you are only going for the monochrome look)

phoenix yip · 27 Mar 2020, 02:29

@Gary-Wilkinson Oh yeah, that looks way better, thanks so much! Just curious which brush did you use?

Gary Wilkinson · 27 Mar 2020, 02:47

@phoenix-yip thanks I hope the advice helped. Like I say it all depends on the scene. If you want the mysterious character to become more of a saviour/Samaritan then lighting from an upper source that fall onto him highlighting his face would work nicely.

I used the damkeeper brush used by Tonko house. I needed to tweak it a bit to fit my usage but it's a lovely brush to rough in ideas

phoenix yip · 27 Mar 2020, 05:21

@Gary-Wilkinson is that in photoshop?

phoenix yip · 27 Mar 2020, 16:51

@Gary-Wilkinson How does this look?

27 Mar 2020, 17:36

@phoenix-yip This is a really cool piece. I could never do this style or subject matter and don't really 'consume' images like this but I find it really appealing anyway.

So couple things to take with a grain of salt: the highlight works better placed like the draw-over, where it's shifted to the left, along the left side of the entrance with a bit of fade toward the other side, and the tinge of red at the top might be better emanating from the character. Is he unarmed? Has he dropped his weapon in defeat? I think I'd like to know more, and maybe you can use color for that. the details on the top of the image are cool, but those are something i'd explore on a second or third look.

phoenix yip · 27 Mar 2020, 18:38

@carolinedrawing So the story is there is these ground of people called the Foryn. They are believed to be descendants of this entity called Morke. There’s this huge backstory and everything, but that’s not important. The guy standing in the entrance is a bounty hunter called Ronan. His mom was killed by the Foryn when they raided his village. Later they stole his child, the only thing he had left. After that he swore to find his child and kill every Foryn he sees. The guy in the foreground is a Foryn who was stationed in this tunnel while they were exporting raw kemonite from this planet called Eran on the kemorim. Kemonite is a rare ore only found on the kemorim, it’s used to make military grade armor and vehicles. So this guy who lives on Eran hunts down these Foryn soldiers who are stationed in the tunnel.

chrisaakins · 27 Mar 2020, 18:42

@phoenix-yip this is cool. I would use an even brighter highlights on the figure closest to us.

phoenix yip · 27 Mar 2020, 18:56

@carolinedrawing so just some clarity, you are saying to place the highlight over the lines and move it to the left? I see what you’re saying with the red, but I was just a little confused, I just get lost easily . thank you so much for taking the time to critique!

27 Mar 2020, 19:49

@phoenix-yip What I see in your version is a band of the brightest light coming from the center top and going straight down to highlight Ronan, and I don't think that works as well as the placement in @Gary-Wilkinson 's draw over, where it emanates from the back of the tunnel and highlights the bounty hunter with a larger glow.

Sorry it's hard to explain! But the color red in small amounts in a monochromatic image that deals with revenge could be really useful. Since the person can't know what the back story is, I would put every bit into the details of these characters, to tell as much of the emotional part of the story as you can. You don't need the viewer to know the backstory to feel the stewing, tense, vengeful emotion of it.

One of the difficulties you have with presenting this image on its own is that your characters don't have eyes. So EVERYTHING has to be expressed with their body language. The body language should carry everything anyway. Ronan looks a little defeated to me. A little weary. But I think I need to believe that he is not going to be passive in this situation, because his purpose has a much deeper meaning than the Foryn soldier's.