Treehouse WIP for critique :)

[smceccarelli]

I love the idea and the composition is very clever with the double framing. Focal points are spot on on the thirds and if you handle values and contrast as you have started out, it will work out very well.
It took me a few seconds to understand the situation though. I am wondering if there are ways to make it clearer. Maybe you could put a scribbled paper with "no kids" attached with cello tape on top of the "no boys" sign? Also, granpa´s closed eyes are confusing me. Is he sleeping or enjoying? I would try out how it looks with eyes open, reading the paper with a big smile.
Way to go, anyhow - it looks great! I am still wondering if I have time to do anything at all, but I am very tempted....

[tombarrettillo]

@NoWayMe Maybe swap the girls positions and turn them so they are looking in the direction of the grandpa. I might even have the grandpa sipping his coffee (with eyes open, as was suggested), to make it more clear he is going to have "his" time in the treehouse.

[DanetteDraws]

@NoWayMe I love it! What a clever idea and the composition is well done.
I agree with what others have said before me but just two additional things stand out to me. I think you could give a bit more definition to the ladder (which is of course part of the storytelling!). I'm confused why the wood is attached to the rope in an X manner - why not just single wooden planks across? The X's would be hard to climb up.
The second thing is - and this may be a personal preference thing (which you can then ignore if you want!) - but I find there's a heck of a lot of brown happening in the piece. And it's expected - you'd expect a tree to be brown and a wooden tree house to be brown (just as you have the grass and leaves green too). I'm wondering if you might consider pushing your palette - do something unexpected with the colour. Maybe it'll bring greater interest and unification to the piece. Right now your colour choices seem quite elementary (although I do love the spot of red and yellow on the girls to help draw the eye).
I can't wait to see the final!

[holleywilliamson]

I think the treehouse would have a shadow side and a light side even if you have dappled lighting, that would create some variation in the brown color, plus I assume there will be more variation with all the "dappling"?

[NoWayMe]

@DanetteDraws Thanks for the comment! For the ladder, this was just my rough sketch, so I fixed it already in my semi-final sketch

For the color, I agree that there is a lot of green and brown! But in the final I have added a lot of kids toys and we see posters decorating the inside of the treehouse so I think it will look better! But it's a very good point! Thanks

[NoWayMe]

Here is my final sketch!!! Thanks for the critiques everyone, you all had great points! I did a version with the grandpa's eyes closed, and another one open. Which one do you prefer ?

Critiques are still welcome!

[Chip Valecek]

I say closed, he looks so much happier.

[Tyler Hallstrom]

@NoWayMe My vote would be for closed as well. Just fits the treehouse vibe nicely.

[DanetteDraws]

@NoWayMe Awesome! I love all the details you've added in. My vote is for closed eyes too.

[Kat]

Love this sketch! I'd vote for closed, too, but not holding a newspaper. Maybe with his arms behind his head, cup next to the radio, like he's totally relaxing in the seat. If the newspaper is important to the story, then looking at it with eyes open makes more sense to me.

And I love the "no kids" sign - very funny!

[NoWayMe]

Another update! Flat colors

Edit: I just saw a tangent between his hair and the curtain, I will fix that!

@Kat - Thanks for the idea of having his arm behind his head! Great idea! I went with just one arm and still holding his cup of coffee, but you're right that the newspaper was not that important in the story.

[smceccarelli]

I love it - the storytelling is great!

[Kat]

Love it! And I'm glad the suggestion was useful. This is a great story, very fun!

[tombarrettillo]

Maybe open the girls' mouths more, as if yelling loudly, over the music. And the pink shirt girl's eyebrows need to be a bit more angry (at least the left one). The Grandpa is perfect!

[Doha]

Such a fun illustration! the story is clear, the characters are really animated.

[pn]

Hey,
The concept is very creative. I really liked it.
Maybe if you bring some texture into the art, mainly the wood of the treehouse, give it some texture, light and shadow play, 3D effect, to bring life to the picture overall. The colours now are very flat. otherwise the concept is really appealing.

Pranamee.
http://instagram.com/prnaths

[NoWayMe]

@pn Thanks! I actually haven't start rendering at all yet For sure I will put more textures, light/shadow... I still have many hours of work to put in!

[lmrush]

Wow fantastic idea great story telling and I love the perspective!

[NoWayMe]

I am working on values to make sure my focal points read well. I know it's tricky to have two focal points but I would like to have the main focal point on the girls and then the grandpa (so for a few seconds the viewer wonders what they are angry about.. Any thoughts ? Anything that doesn't read well "value wise" ? Thanks!

[Charlie Eve Ryan]

Really cool, he looks so relaxed! Great concept