Treehouse WIP for critique :)

[Chip Valecek]

I say closed, he looks so much happier.

[Tyler Hallstrom]

@NoWayMe My vote would be for closed as well. Just fits the treehouse vibe nicely.

[DanetteDraws]

@NoWayMe Awesome! I love all the details you've added in. My vote is for closed eyes too.

[Kat]

Love this sketch! I'd vote for closed, too, but not holding a newspaper. Maybe with his arms behind his head, cup next to the radio, like he's totally relaxing in the seat. If the newspaper is important to the story, then looking at it with eyes open makes more sense to me.

And I love the "no kids" sign - very funny!

[NoWayMe]

Another update! Flat colors

Edit: I just saw a tangent between his hair and the curtain, I will fix that!

@Kat - Thanks for the idea of having his arm behind his head! Great idea! I went with just one arm and still holding his cup of coffee, but you're right that the newspaper was not that important in the story.

[smceccarelli]

I love it - the storytelling is great!

[Kat]

Love it! And I'm glad the suggestion was useful. This is a great story, very fun!

[tombarrettillo]

Maybe open the girls' mouths more, as if yelling loudly, over the music. And the pink shirt girl's eyebrows need to be a bit more angry (at least the left one). The Grandpa is perfect!

[Doha]

Such a fun illustration! the story is clear, the characters are really animated.

[pn]

Hey,
The concept is very creative. I really liked it.
Maybe if you bring some texture into the art, mainly the wood of the treehouse, give it some texture, light and shadow play, 3D effect, to bring life to the picture overall. The colours now are very flat. otherwise the concept is really appealing.

Pranamee.
http://instagram.com/prnaths

[NoWayMe]

@pn Thanks! I actually haven't start rendering at all yet For sure I will put more textures, light/shadow... I still have many hours of work to put in!

[lmrush]

Wow fantastic idea great story telling and I love the perspective!

[NoWayMe]

I am working on values to make sure my focal points read well. I know it's tricky to have two focal points but I would like to have the main focal point on the girls and then the grandpa (so for a few seconds the viewer wonders what they are angry about.. Any thoughts ? Anything that doesn't read well "value wise" ? Thanks!

[Charlie Eve Ryan]

Really cool, he looks so relaxed! Great concept

[Charlie Eve Ryan]

I think having the girls as the first read works well and I love how you pulled up the ladder too. Nice touch!

[TessaW]

@NoWayMe To be honest, I see the guy first. Any one else? I think if you made that side slightly darker, with less contrast, it might help, though I'm not the greatest at values.

Something like this. Original is on the left.

[smceccarelli]

I think I see the guy first - he is the biggest and has the biggest contrast.
Apart from that, you are crunching your value range. That can be a conscious choice (there are many wonderful pieces that only use a fraction of the value range), but here you may miss an opportunity to control your focal points. Here is an histogram of your values:

Basically, the darks (on the left) and the lights (on the right) are not populated at all. Here is what happens if you use all the range (basically, I stretched your value range so that the darks get darker and the lights get lighter - left is the original. As you can see, the effect of crunching the value range in the mid tones is like putting a haze on the picture.

You should not do this over the whole picture, as I have done - it was just to show the effect of using the whole range. If you extend your value range only where you want the focus, you can make it pop much better.

[NoWayMe]

Excellent tip @smceccarelli !!! Thanks!

Thanks @TessW and @Charlie-Eve-Ryan !

There is probably not one correct answer to this question, but do you think I should try to have the grandpa as a second read or is it working better if he stays the first read ? I like what @TessW did with the shadows, however I was planning to add dappled light so maybe it will increase the focus on the grandpa even more...

Any thoughts ?!
Thanks!

[holleywilliamson]

I see the grandpa first too. I like what @TessW did too. I think having Grandpa as a second read is great. If it was the other way around I don't think it is as funny.

[MirkaH]

I like the values in the last one on the right that Simona posted. With higher contrast.