I need to finish this piece.

[rcartwright]

I would skip the dog, as it isn't needed to further the main story

[TessaW]

How about this change? I think i would need to adjust the dad's pose a bit more if this change was made, but does it enhance the overall feel?

[Miriam]

@tessaw I liked the original composition, & felt like the girls were a strong 1st read. My reaction:
1st (the girls) Oh! They are IN Trouble! / Shocked
2nd (the man) The cake! / All that work!
3rd noticing things like the bunny on the chair, & the squished frosting

This change looks good, too though--except the man's dark pants are drawing too much attention & pulling me down into that corner, and I miss the detail of the frosting. I do see that it's more like being in the scene rather than looking at the scene. I still like it both ways. I like the man's whole stance--it's a nice expression of "Oh, no!", and being able to see his face / expression.

[Kevin Longueil]

@tessaw This is looking really nice! - i agree about the pants maybe being too dark - here is a quick thumbnail idea that might be cool? - adds a slightly more conspiratorial feel with another little girl in the window - just a thought - feel free to ignore

[Jose Ramos]

@tessaw More chocolate on the floor!

[holleywilliamson]

@tessaw I like the change, it brings more focus on the girls. This is such a fun piece!

[TessaW]

Thank you all for your feedback so far! It's been really helpful and you've provided some great ideas. I've made some additions, and I feel that perhaps the dad's pose may need to change as a result. What do you think of these general ideas?

[Chip Valecek]

@tessaw I like C the best. Great addition with the dog and kid in the window. You should had some chocolate hand prints on the walls or curtains.

[Miriam]

@tessaw I like A & D the best (B seems like it could be read as angry instead of exasperated). All the additions look good! I also like the simplicity of the first one at the start of this thread. Whatever you decide to go with, this piece makes a fun little story!

[holleywilliamson]

I still like A best. I like that he is holding the spatula. Agree that B looks too angry

[Eli]

I think I like A the best, with C as a close second. Love that he's holding the spatula--"Oh, think I'll just put the finishing touches on the caaaaaakkkkkeeee." I like the dog as well. I love the juxtaposition of the kids like "UH OH!!" and the dog's clueless joy! When my old girl was a puppy, I'd come home and she'd be sitting in a little pile of my ruined possessions, all proud and glad to see me! "Hi! I missed you! I destroyed your stuff while you were gone!"

[lenwen]

@tessaw very interesting story! I like A the best because it shows clearly that the dad who just finished creating the cake. I really like this illustration

[AnyaK]

@tessaw Love A especially, dad's emotion can be clearly understood, spatula adds to the drama. Wonderful illustration!

[TessaW]

@Chip-Valecek Thank you! The hand print is a good idea. I'll play around with that during the final stages.

@Miriam Thanks! I also liked the simplicity of the first one, but I can see how the second has it's appeal. It's difficult to choose.

@holleywilliamson Yeah, I think you're right!

@Eli Aw, that's so cute. Reminds me of my kids. Sometimes they mess things up, but they are so cute about it, that it's hard to be mad!

@lenwen Thanks for voting! It seems like A is definitely the favorite.

@Anyak Good points!

I've messed around with it more. It's hard to find a long enough chunk of time to get into the zone. I did try to insert them into an easy read chapter book format, as an experiment to see how that would impact it.

[burvantill]

Just a thought, but I was looking at the sketch you did that has the dad missing from it and I thought that the children's faces were so expressive that you may not even need the dad. One look says that there is an adult in the room and they are BUSTED.

[HBryant]

When I saw this I wondered if maybe it could be a two-page spread. The words of a story set between the kids and the dad. I could totally see him off to one side, so the focus is still on the kids.

[TessaW]

@burvantill That's interesting. I tried it without the dad. What do you think?

@HBryant That's a good idea. It's fun to think of composition within a page layout. I'm not sure how that works in a portfolio though. I don't think I've seen a spread in someone's portfolio site. I'll have to look it up.

Ok, I'm pretty much done, but I'll let it rest for a bit and probably make finishing touches. Any thing not working? Does it look like all the characters are looking at the dad? I also included some alternate versions, to try out people's suggestions.

[lady chamomile]

Looks so good!

One tiny thing that threw me off... I can't see the Dad's pupils, so it looks a bit spooky to me.

[Nathan]

One thing I noticed is the dogs butt is tangent to the bottom of the table. It flattens that part of the illustration. I would set the dog back further under the table to give it more of an overlap or move it further out from under the table so there is a gap between the dogs back and the bottom of the table. I'm loving everything else.

[Gary Wilkinson]

I think the illustration is stronger without the dad in, but having in on the opposite page as you have in the last image, although you might want to reduce the size of him slightly. Lovely work!